Are You Uplifting Your Team? 4 Ways Leaders Create Positivity

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Dr. Sam Adeyemi offers insights to business executives and C-suite professionals on creating positivity as a team leader.

Today’s guest post is by Dr. Sam Adeyemi, author of Dear Leader: Your Flagship Guide to Successful Leadership (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Here is something not every leader is ready to hear: You are the most powerful force behind the positivity in your workplace. If that positivity were the heavens, then you would be Atlas — or, at least one of his arms. So how do you cultivate positivity and find a healthy outlet for any dissatisfaction? You can start with these four step-by-step tactics for becoming a more inspiring and empathetic leader.

1. Look within yourself.

One of the most popular quotes from Carl Jung, noted Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, speaks to this exact issue: “Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes.” You can find this quote all over social media and cataloged on websites promising a list of quotes that will “change your life.” And, while its surface-level message of finding peace within yourself understandably resonates with many, there is even more going on here than this small excerpt betrays to the reader.

Jung was describing a war between the Self and the collective noise of your outside reality. Any growth you hope to facilitate starts with you, which means you can’t hope to succeed until you know yourself and recognize your own opportunities for growth. Your ability to manage sources of negative energy and uplift your team in the workplace begins and ends with your own inner strength. You must be willing to take an honest look at yourself as a leader, then grow accordingly.

Unfortunately, our natural reaction is to avoid problems and circumvent confrontation whenever possible — especially when we are confronting ourselves. After all, difficult conversations are difficult for a reason. They often force us into awkward perspectives or unflattering looks at our own actions. Still, these internal conversations are essential to preparing yourself to improve morale and sustain productivity among others.

2. Work at the roots.

There is a type of bamboo tree grown in China that takes five years to reach maturity. What’s most astonishing, however, is that the plant remains hidden underground for the first four years of its life. For over 1,400 days, the tree is watered and fertilized at its roots with no real signs of progress for its caretakers. Then, in just over a month, it erupts from the ground with almost frightening urgency and grows up to 90 feet tall.

The “roots” of something are its foundational center — what feeds and supports its existence. Alongside the heart, there is no better metaphor for the “core” or the lifeblood of a team. Yet these roots are not easy to access. Much like the roots of the natural world, they are buried underground and operate according to their own schedule.

When a successful leader is approaching a problem within their team, they must discover the root of the issue that’s causing the problem and only then actively work to provide a solution. Was there adequate direction and communication from the beginning? Were the expectations clear and concise? When and where did productivity break down? Once this line of questioning begins, the best leaders find an opportunity to empower other team members to offer solutions.

3. Don’t absorb negativity — redirect it.

You probably already know that magnets can either attract or repel each other. Depending on which “poles” of the magnet you are trying to push together, they might snap toward each other in an instant, or you might find it virtually impossible to connect them directly. In the world of magnetism, opposite poles attract each other while identical poles repel each other. Simple, right?

However, there is no magnet for attracting or repelling the sources of negative energy among your workforce — it’s just not that simple. And, even if it were, those sources of negativity would change on a daily, weekly, monthly, and even yearly basis. For successful and empathetic leaders, maintaining positivity in the workplace begins with identifying the negative energy itself, then discerning what might repel that energy or even turn it positive. Dissatisfaction within your team is a perpetual drain on morale that will never go away on its own, which means your only recourse is to neutralize that negativity or transform it into positive action.

4. Embrace empathy and sincerity.

In Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird,” the wise and stoic Atticus Finch offers up plenty of advice to his young daughter, Scout. One of my favorites is that you cannot truly understand a person until you “climb into [their] skin and walk around in it.” This adage is repeated in countless forms, the most popular being to “walk a mile in a person’s shoes.” That said, I think the version we get from Mr. Finch is more poignant than all the rest. It is not enough to slip on someone’s shoes — we must think holistically. It is not enough to walk for a mile — we must walk until we achieve understanding.

Empathy is essential for any leader that hopes to understand and inspire their team members. Empathy is about caring and curiosity, which makes it the perfect jumping-off point for gaining traction within your team. Your empathy and sincerity are your first lines of defense against negative energy, helping alert you the moment any dark clouds descend on the workspace. The most successful leaders use this empathy to direct their personal touchpoints, keeping the skies sunny whenever possible.

Start Small. Start Positive.

As a leader, you have an immense (and sometimes daunting) power to cultivate or suffocate the positivity within your workforce. The entire process starts with you — with self-examination — and ends with a team that understands its own limitations and demands empathy for everyone.

sam adeyemi bookAtlanta-based Dr. Sam Adeyemi (SAY: Ah Day yeh me) is founder and executive director of Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA). More than 45,000 alumni have graduated from DLA programs, and more than 3 million CEOs and high performing individuals follow him on top social media sites. Dr. Sam’s new book is Dear Leader: Your Flagship Guide to Successful Leadership. He holds a Doctorate in Strategic Leadership from Virginia’s Regent University, and is a member of the International Leadership Association. He and his wife, Nike (say Nee keh) have three children and founded Daystar Christian Centre in Lagos, Nigeria. Learn more at SamAdeyemi.com.

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This Hidden Enemy is Making Your Job Harder than Necessary

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We can be victims of our own thoughts holding us back. False equivalencies limit our beliefs and can turn our greatest strengths into barriers and limitations.

Today’s post is by Elizabeth B. Crook, author of Live Large: The Achiever’s Guide to What’s Next (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

As a business leader, you know the challenges of managing cash flow, dealing with personal issues or handling a customer who is dissatisfied – all problems we sign up for as leaders. Yet in my work as a business strategist for twenty-five years, there is an issue more common and potentially disabling to leaders than any of the above – limiting beliefs.

Back in the 50s Walt Kelly, creator of the comic strip character Pogo, expressed it best, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

 One way limiting beliefs show up in our lives is in the form of false equivalencies. False equivalencies are defined by the belief that doing something or not doing something will make us “good” or “bad.”

Here are three common ones – you might recognize in yourself – I know I did!

Abandoning a project/goal/position = being a quitter

Tolerating unacceptable conditions = being patient

Taking time off/resting = being lazy

False equivalencies can keep us trapped in situations, limiting our options.

Mark, a CEO of a rapidly growing manufacturing company, came to me for some “next step” work when his company was going through a growing phase. He had a loyal team who had been with him since the company’s formative years, yet he was resisting trimming out the staffers who weren’t able to grow with the company and adding more experienced management to his team.

Puzzled at first, I recalled Mark’s telling me about the early years. “We had an investor, who was wise and eager for us to succeed. During his lifetime he supported us and mentored me to become the leader I am today. Not only that,” Mark continued, “but my father also gave me lots of runway to learn and grow. Even when I messed up, he cheered me on. Their loyalty and belief in me changed my life.”

Because of Mark’s positive experience with loyalty, he had an unwavering belief that if you cared about people, you stick with them, mentoring and training them into being the executives they needed to be.

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How to Deal with Brilliant Jerks

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Brilliant jerks are great to have around because they’re brilliant but they’re equally painful to have because they’re jerks. As a leader, the way you treat these brilliant jerks tells your organization a lot about what you value… and what you don’t.

Today’s post is by Chris Laping, author of People Before Things: Change Isn’t an End-User Problem (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

“We don’t devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.” —Bill Waterson

I came across a meme this week that really got my attention. Admittedly, I usually ignore stuff like this, but I opened up LinkedIn and there it was—staring me in the face and practically begging me to read it. Perhaps you’ve seen it, too. It’s a photo of Reed Hastings, CEO of Netflix, with the quote, “Do not tolerate brilliant jerks. The cost is too high.”

Before I go much further, I don’t personally know Reed nor have I ever worked at Netflix. You see, this is the reason I don’t usually care about memes—it’s hard to confirm they’re true. As I researched the quote on Google, I realized there was quite a negative stir in the marketplace regarding Reed’s term. The truth is, I don’t care. And I don’t care if I’m late to the party on this conversation. I love the phrase, and I think it’s 100% true.

It was 2006, and I was new to consulting. The company I worked for attracted a high-tech startup as a client. My role as a Principal was to manage delivery, keep our customer happy, and provide leadership to the project team. The client’s chief executive, TJ, was my point-of-contact, and I was to collaborate with him on an important initiative. Talk about a brilliant jerk!

From the day we walked into his office, he treated us like trash. He never once made eye contact. Frequently, when any of us asked him a question, he would flip his hand in the air while saying, “I don’t see why that’s important. This is what I think is important…” To make matters worse, he made a clicking noise between sentences that was meant to be audible punctuation. As it related to the clicking, he once told me, “People can’t keep up with me so I help them understand when I am shifting to another idea.” Apparently we were all dipsticks and lucky to have someone as sensitive as him worrying about whether we were keeping up!

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Unlocking Productivity: The Power of Effective Conversations in Meetings

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group meeting

Meetings shouldn’t be obligations; they should be opportunities for growth and collective progress. By embracing the right conversations, you can turn your meetings into transformative experiences.

Today’s guest post is by Chuck Wisner, author of The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming How We Talk, Listen, and Interact (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Whether you love them or loathe them, meetings are a fundamental part of the modern workplace. They play a crucial role in driving collaboration, decision-making, and progress within organizations. Far too often, though, people believe that meetings are a waste of time, and they often leave participants feeling drained and unproductive.

In this article, we unravel the transformative potential of conversations, the unsung heroes of successful meetings, capable of turning routine gatherings into dynamic, meaningful, and effective forums.

Elevating Your Meetings with Transformative Conversations

Aristotle once noted, “Anybody can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” Similarly, anyone can convene a meeting, but orchestrating one with the right people, at the right time, for the right purpose, and driven by the right conversations is an art well worth mastering.

Conversations have the potential to transmute ineffective meetings into efficient decision-making gatherings. The success of these conversations depends on your organization’s culture, which is defined by the conversations your team engages in.

The Four Conversations

Meetings serve three fundamental purposes: information sharing, information processing, and decision making. These three pillars are supported by four distinct types of conversations, which constitute a new framework for meetings. Let’s delve into each of these conversations.

  1. Storytelling Conversations

Participants bring their unique stories to every meeting. These narratives encompass what individuals know, what they’ve heard, what they’ve researched, or even what they assume. One person might arrive at a meeting confident a project’s progress is on track, while another person might be livid about the scarcity of resources.

These stories aren’t just information; they’re the essence of personal experiences and perspectives, which seep into our presentation of information. While these narratives are life-affirming, they can also be loaded with ego energy, leading to patterns of defensiveness and unproductive interactions.

The antidote is to acknowledge that your story, as convincing as it may seem, isn’t the ultimate truth. It’s only one of many perspectives. We can all introspect and analyze our thinking and emotions before entering a meeting, and when we do so, we must ask ourselves what stories, feelings, and fears we’re bringing with us. Are we entering the meeting with an unwavering determination to win arguments, or are we open and humble enough to reveal our thinking and to consider alternative viewpoints?

Thinking about our thinking is the initial step toward fostering productive storytelling conversations. It encourages us to expose our thoughts, leading to open, constructive interactions. Our demeanor and approach, whether in virtual or physical meetings, also significantly influence how others perceive and engage with us.

  1. Collaborative Conversations

Meetings often become mired in the sharing of objective data—the exchange of information, report summaries, and metric reviews.

Collaborative conversations are the collective sharing of not only objective information but also personal perspectives. To be successful, they demand a shift from an “I”-centric storytelling mindset to a “we”-focused approach. When our ego staunchly defends our position, we tend to advocate for it with a closed fist, leading to conflicts and standstills. Conversely, if we shift to a “we”-focused conversation, we can share our thoughts and positions with humility, free from defensiveness, and we can explore others’ perspectives openly.

This transition from a close-fisted to an open-handed conversational style encourages listening, learning, and wiser decision-making. It’s a transformational shift that sets the stage for constructive, productive dialogues.

Stagnant meetings can be reinvigorated when a leader or facilitator introduces thought-provoking subjects that encourage participants to voice their opinions, to respectfully challenge one another, and to explore diverse viewpoints. Robust collaborative conversations give rise to creative conversations.

  1. Creative Conversations

Brainstorming sessions often suffer from premature judgments that stifle innovation. Comments like, “That will never work!” or “The boss will never go for that” often stifle creative ideas. Creative conversations, on the other hand, create a safe space, where participants can bravely put forth their ideas without fear of judgment.

In a successful creative conversation, there’s ample room for ideas to percolate and emerge for consideration. Tools such as drawings, whiteboards, pictures, and out-of-the-box thinking find their fullest expression in an environment that nurtures collaboration, where open minds and open hearts synchronize.

  1. Commitment Conversations

Commitment conversations are the final piece of the conversation puzzle. This is where action plans take shape and decisions are made. Business operations thrive on commitments made within organizations, but commitments are often made hastily and without careful consideration.

In the quest to make timely decisions, leaders sometimes rush into this conversation, skipping essential collaborative and creative conversations. This conversational bypass leads to hasty, poorly informed decisions.

Commitment conversations require careful attention to metrics for success, clear deadlines and checkpoints, accountability, and transparent decision-making.

This conversation is often thought of as the purpose of a meeting, but it should be the outcome of a conscious process of considering multiple perspectives and possibilities. By purposefully engaging in collaborative and creative conversations, unforeseen solutions are often the result.

The “Who” Factor

Many meetings suffer from “attendee bloat.” Participants often feel undervalued if they aren’t included, and addressing this issue requires explicit communication about the nature and expected outcomes of meetings.

Determining who should participate in a meeting hinges on its purpose and objectives. Information sharing, a form of storytelling, often requires a broader audience. But information processing, a form of collaborative and creative conversation, are more efficient with smaller, specialized groups. Recognizing this distinction and aligning participants accordingly is vital for productive collaborations.

Meetings as Catalysts for Success

Meetings are your organization’s pulse. Done correctly, they foster collaboration, innovation, and open-mindedness, leading to more effective meetings and, ultimately, to greater success.

Meetings shouldn’t be obligations; they should be opportunities for growth and collective progress. By embracing the right conversations, you can turn your meetings into transformative experiences.

wisner bookChuck Wisner is president of Wisner Consulting. His client list includes companies such as Google, Rivian, Apple, Tesla, Harvard Business School, Ford, and Chrysler. Wisner was a senior affiliated mediator with the Harvard Mediation Program and was among the first to be certified through the Mastering the Art of Professional Coaching program at the Newfield Institute. He was also a specialist in organizational learning and leadership as an affiliate with MIT’s Center for Organizational Learning. Check out his website @ chuckwisner.com and get social with Chuck on IG, FaceBook, Linktree. Linkedin, Twitter, and Tiktok!

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Building a Resilient Team: A New Way to Look at Psychological Safety

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fist bump

Unlock resilience in your organization through psychological safety. Forge a strong workforce, thrive in modern challenges.

Today’s guest post is by Joshua Berry, author of Dare to Be Naive: How to Find Your True Self in a Noisy World (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

In a small, dimly lit workshop, a skilled blacksmith once molded raw iron into finely crafted tools. With the ringing of his hammer against the anvil and the heat of the forge, he created pieces of exceptional quality. This blacksmith, let’s call him John, had a reputation for producing durable and reliable tools that would withstand the test of time.

Fast forward to the present day, and John’s philosophy still resonates, but it has found a new application. Today, the raw materials aren’t iron and steel; they are the hearts and minds of your workforce. The hammer’s ring is now the sound of collaboration, and the heat of the forge represents the pressure and challenges of modern work environments. And just like John, who knew that a well-crafted tool requires care and precision, business leaders must understand that their workforce thrives when they create an environment of psychological safety.

In recent years, the idea of a “safe space” in the workplace has become somewhat of a buzzword, even a meme in some circles. For those who come from more “old-school” approaches to work, the concept may seem soft or unnecessary. The prevailing belief often leans towards “toughen up and show up to work.” However, in this article, we’ll explore a perspective that resonates with those who value grit and resilience, showing that providing care and psychological safety to employees is not about coddling but about forging a workforce of extraordinary strength.

The Resilience Dilemma

Imagine two individuals working side by side, both highly skilled and motivated. One has the resilience of a finely crafted tool, while the other, despite their potential, constantly buckles under the pressure. What sets them apart? Psychological safety.

Psychological safety is the foundation upon which true resilience is built. It’s not about shielding employees from challenges or eliminating stress. Instead, it’s about creating an environment where they feel safe enough to take calculated risks, voice their concerns, and learn from their mistakes.

In the world of the “old-school,” toughness is often equated with resilience. Employees are expected to handle stress, adversity, and criticism without showing signs of weakness. However, this tough-it-out mentality can have detrimental effects on both individuals and organizations.

The Hidden Costs of Toughness

The “toughen up” approach may seem effective on the surface, but it comes with hidden costs. Employees who feel unsupported or judged for expressing vulnerability are more likely to:

1. Burn Out: Suppressing emotions and stress can lead to burnout, which not only affects individual well-being but also hampers productivity and innovation.

2. Disengage: When employees don’t feel psychologically safe, they’re less likely to engage with their work or share innovative ideas, ultimately stifling creativity.

3. Exit: High turnover rates are often a consequence of workplaces that don’t prioritize psychological safety. Employees leave in search of environments where their voices are heard and respected.

4. Stagnate: Without the freedom to take risks and learn from failure, employees may become stagnant, and their development may plateau.

The Resilience of Psychological Safety

Now, let’s pivot from the “toughen up” mindset to a more appealing perspective for proponents of old-school work ethics: the idea that psychological safety is not about coddling but about building resilient, high-performing teams.

1. Encouraging Growth: Just as a blacksmith carefully shapes and tempers metal to create a durable tool, leaders can foster psychological safety to encourage the growth and development of their employees. When individuals feel safe to express their ideas, ask questions, and admit mistakes, they are more likely to learn and adapt.

2. Boosting Adaptability: Resilience is not about enduring constant pressure without breaking; it’s about adapting and bouncing back stronger. Psychological safety encourages adaptability by allowing employees to speak up when they notice potential issues or opportunities for improvement. This adaptability is a hallmark of strong, durable teams.

3. Fostering Collaboration: Like the different parts of a finely crafted tool working in harmony, psychological safety fosters collaboration and teamwork. When individuals trust their colleagues and feel safe to share their perspectives, it leads to more effective problem-solving and innovation.

4. Retaining Talent: Just as the best blacksmiths take pride in the longevity of their creations, organizations that prioritize psychological safety retain top talent. When employees feel valued and supported, they’re less likely to seek opportunities elsewhere.

Nurturing Psychological Safety

To convince those skeptical of psychological safety’s value, it’s crucial to highlight practical steps and tangible outcomes:

1. Open Communication Channels: Encourage open dialogue at all levels of the organization. Make it clear that feedback and concerns are not only welcome but also valued.

2. Lead by Example: Demonstrate vulnerability and openness as a leader. When employees see that it’s safe to express concerns or ideas, they’re more likely to follow suit.

3. Reward Innovation and Learning: Recognize and reward innovative ideas and a willingness to learn from mistakes. Show that the organization values growth and adaptability.

4. Training and Development: Invest in training programs that promote emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, and active listening. These skills are essential for creating a psychologically safe environment.

In conclusion, for those who believe in the value of old-school work ethics, embracing psychological safety is not about making the workplace soft but about forging a workforce that’s resilient, adaptable, and capable of achieving extraordinary results. Just as the best blacksmiths take pride in crafting tools that stand the test of time, leaders who prioritize psychological safety are crafting teams that can withstand the pressures of the modern workplace and emerge stronger than ever.

joshua berry bookJoshua Berry is a world-class facilitator of change. As an author, speaker, entrepreneur, and director of Econic, Joshua has spent the last two decades helping Fortune 500 companies and venture-backed startups evolve the way they work. Learn more at econic.co and joshualeeberry.com.

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Failures Are Experiments, Not Failures

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There’s a difference between experiencing failure and being a failure. Some of the greatest lessons come from failing – but only if you’re willing to learn them.

Today’s post is by Shawn Hunter, author of Small Acts of Leadership (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

On March 2, 1962, Wilt “the Stilt” Chamberlain had the highest scoring NBA basketball game of all time. He scored 100 points in that game, a feat likely never to be repeated. Chamberlain was the number two highest average scoring player in history, behind Michael Jordan. He would have easily been number one, had it not been for his free throws.

Wilt Chamberlain was terrible at free throws. Terrible. He was so bad that the coach wouldn’t play him at the end of a close game, since the opposing team only needed to foul him, and send him to the free throw line, where he would surely miss.

Meanwhile, Chamberlain’s teammate on the Golden State Warriors, Rick Barry, was the most accurate free throw shooter in the league. By the time he retired, Barry was the most accurate free-throw shooter in NBA history, averaging 90.0 percent of his free-throw attempts. In his final season, Barry hit over 94% of his free throws. Rick Barry shot all of his free throws underhanded. That’s right, Barry shot “granny style.”

You might think since both Chamberlain and Barry were on the same team, Chamberlain would learn a thing or two about shooting free throws. Well, sort of. For a short period, Barry convinced, and taught, Chamberlain to shoot underhanded also. He improved his free throws remarkably. But it didn’t stick. Chamberlain said he couldn’t do it. He said he felt “like a sissy” shooting underhanded.

What other people think of us – or what we think other people think of us – means so much that we would often rather fall back on old habits, or abandon new thinking and new ideas, in favor of simply fitting in.

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8 Tips for Avoiding Your Leadership Blindspots

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rearview mirror

Learning to ask the right questions in the right way is a key technique for surfacing blindspots that can easily be overlooked. The best leaders know that the questions they ask are as important as the answers they provide.

Today’s post is by Robert Bruce Shaw, author of Leadership Blindspots: How Successful Leaders Identify and Overcome the Weaknesses That Matter (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Leaders are faced with two conflicting needs. The first is to act with a deep confidence in their abilities and the strategies they are implementing. This allows them to pursue audacious goals and persevere when faced with adversity. The second is to be aware of their vulnerabilities and the need for a healthy dose of self-doubt. This allows them to see themselves and their situations accurately — avoiding, in particular, the hazards of over-confidence and excessive optimism. Those who fail to do so run the risk of having blindspots — which are the unrecognized weaknesses or threats that have the potential to harm a leader and his or her company.

Savvy leaders understand that blindspots, while they vary in severity and are different for each individual, are not the exception — instead, they “come with the territory.” The question then becomes: How do I surface and address the blindspots that matter? One way is to ask the right questions in the right way. Here are some guidelines for identifying blindspots:

1. Avoid yes-or-no questions. Closed-end questions (those that can answered yes or no) are efficient, but don’t surface information that may be critical to understanding a potential weakness or threat. Questions are called open-ended when they allow for a variety of responses and provoke a fuller discussion. For example, a closed-end question might be, “Are you going to deliver your business plan this year?” while an open-ended question is, “Tell me about the risks you face in delivering your plan and the actions you are taking to mitigate them?”

2. Don’t lead the witness. Hard-charging leaders often push to confirm their own assumptions about what is occurring in a given situation and often want to move quickly to a plan of action. This can result in questions that are really statements, such as, “Doesn’t this mean that we don’t have a problem with compliance in this area and can move forward as planned?” These types of questions, particularly when posed by those in positions of power, often prevent contrary points of view and necessary data from surfacing.

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Finding Self-Confidence When Intimidating Types Get to You

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three businesspeople talking

When you’re feeling rattled by big wigs and VIPs, simple mindset and body language adjustments can help you step into power.

Today’s guest post is by Selena Rezvani, author of Quick Confidence: Be Authentic, Create Connections and Make Bold Bets On Yourself (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Have you ever had one of those career moments where you felt like you’d made it? A moment of proof that you’d finally earned a spot at the cool or important table?

I remember mine vividly.

I was invited to a leadership awards event to accept an honor alongside many strong businesswomen I admired and respected. Of course, I was a bit nervous about entering a room with so many powerhouses, but it was like a day-before-Christmas type of anxiety. The thought of getting to know people who inspire me electrified me.

I perseverated over my outfit for days in advance. I finally settled on a modern red skirt, colorful blouse and black blazer, hoping they would make me stand out without drawing too much attention. Here I go.

With a big smile and bright eyes, I approached a group and introduced myself. The trio gave me an icy welcome, turning their feet away from me. I was a little disappointed to realize they weren’t accepting ‘newbies’ into their group. But I shrugged it off. A warmup! I told myself.

Until it happened again and again. One cold shoulder after another. I’ll never forget when one pair I tried to speak to said – kind of miffed – “Would you mind if we go back to talking to each other?”

Ouch. I felt like any drop of belonging had drained from my body. Was I invited here by mistake? I occupied myself with a plate of food that I ate while standing in the corner, making weird, furtive eye contact with passersby, wondering how I would endure two more hours of this.

Finally, I decided to take a timeout. I retreated to the bathroom sinks and as I stood in front of the mirror, reapplying my lipstick, I felt intensely disappointed.

Just as I started putting my lipstick back in my purse, though, I caught the smiling face of my mom on an old 2×3 picture sticking out of my wallet. Immediately, a flicker of confidence bolted through me. I thought about everything my mom had instilled in me over the years and her own life experiences with belonging – particularly as a Caucasian woman married to a Pakistani man in the 60s and 70s. I thought about the quote she constantly repeated to me growing up: Eleanor Roosevelt’s “No one can insult you without your permission.” I was standing up about three inches taller now. I looked myself in the eye, and smiled. My confidence grew a little.

At that moment, I decided I wasn’t going to let this feeling slip away again. Instead, I would celebrate what my momma gave me and stand firmly in this opportunity…even if I couldn’t make a friend to save my life.

And there was something else: I was not going to outsource the answer to the question “Do I belong here?” to these people I didn’t even know. I earned my place as much as they did. I needed to change the momentum.

Although I’m not as green as I was at that leadership event – in fact I’ve since written three books and trained audiences on confidence, self-advocacy and presence around the world, I can still feel intimidated when meeting people who seem above and beyond me in every way. I rely on the following exercises (including ones I used at that event) to help me stand firmly in my confidence whenever I feel it slipping away.

Imagine everyone’s awkward

Or at the very least, assume we all have the ability to be uncool, odd, and socially inept at times. Think about it: at a given networking event, someone is oversharing, another person is being a downer, and someone else is drawing attention to something their colleague doesn’t appreciate. That means you’re not the only one who may not be a shoe in or “natural” at socializing all the time. Consider that everyone is doing their awkward best and it can help take the focus off your perceived misfit status.

Big Up

When you feel like you don’t belong, it’s incredibly easy to express that with your body, which in my own experience, can make you feel worse. In my uncomfortable moment, I found myself low-talking, avoiding eye contact and shrinking my shoulders.

It wasn’t until after my lipstick moment that I tried doing the opposite. I stood straight with my shoulders back, held my head tall, and planted my feet shoulder width apart. For the occasional person I did speak to at the rest of the event, I turned my whole body toward them, kept engaged eye contact when talking and listening, and spoke clearly and audibly (a 7/10 volume). My advice to others when you’re feeling intimidated or out of place is: don’t shrink or mute yourself. Instead, be unapologetically conspicuous! Claim your space so people can’t overlook you and just as important, so you don’t discount yourself.

Interact with the person, not the power

Getting ready to meet “the Senior Vice President of Sales and Marketing at a Fortune 500 company” sounds a lot more intimidating than meeting “Jillian, who works in Marketing.” Focusing on that title can cause you to feel like someone is above you – and it can really damage your confidence. Instead of getting lost in the status level, focus on the living, breathing person in front of you. Be curious about the person, ask them about their weekend, and get to know the human being.

Try “Just Like Me”

Some powerhouses walk into a room ready to intimidate everyone they meet. But some people who seem to have a wall up are oblivious as to how they come off. Whichever the case, to shift a VIP from “intimidator” to regular person in your mind, think about some of the same difficult or vulnerable emotions they feel, just like you. For example, you could say, “This person has felt hopeful/useless/lonely/scared … just like me” or “This person has woken up groggy and wishing for ten more minutes of sleep… just like me” or “This person has needed to summon courage … just like me.” Doing this can recalibrate your intimidation and make the biggest big wig in your life a regular person again.

Does it prickle to feel like an outsider or unknown at times? Yes. Does it sting when people send signals that you don’t belong? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean every opportunity or situation should be discarded because of their reactions.

When intimidated by a power player or a group that’s less than welcoming, focusing on affirming and backing yourself can be everything. Not only will you be more sensitive to other newcomers when they come to your next event, you’ll claim the place that you rightly deserve.

selena-rezvani-bookSelena Rezvani is the author of the new book, Quick Confidence: Be Authentic, Create Connections and Make Bold Bets On Yourself (Wiley; May 9, 2023).

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There’s No Such Thing as an Insignificant Turn

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arrows on path

Discover the significance of unexpected career turns. See how choices shape your path.

Today’s guest post is by Steve McKee, author of TURNS: Where Business is Won and Lost (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

If I were to ask you to identify three turning points in your career, it probably wouldn’t require too much thought for you to come up with them. We tend to remember people or events that have changed our trajectory in significant ways.

But if I were to ask you to consider three of the things you most value, and then to retrace your steps to recall how they came about, it’s likely that upon reflection you would identify a turn in your past that at the time you had no idea would have been so consequential.

Let me give you an example. I’m not only the author of a book on the topic at hand (TURNS: Where Business Is Won and Lost), I’ve written two other books, hundreds of articles, and a number of proposals and recommendations that (I’ve been told) stood out for the quality of their prose. Being a craftsman with the written word is a core part of my identity. And while I can’t say for sure where that journey first began—probably sometime back in grade school—if I trace my professional steps back to the beginning of my career, I recall a most formative turn.

I had recently graduated from college and was working at a health club while I pursued entry-level career possibilities. One day I spotted a newspaper want ad (remember those?) from a hot West Coast advertising agency looking for a field marketing manager based in my hometown to work on the Pizza Hut account. The combination of pizza and marketing sounded like the perfect job for me, and this seemed like a terrific way to break into an industry in which I was interested. So, I applied.

Trouble was, when the initial call came in from the woman who would become my boss, it awoke me from a deep sleep. I had been getting up well before dawn to open the health club, and when I got off work at noon each day I’d go home and take a brief nap. She happened to call just when I had entered a dream state, and when I picked up the phone I couldn’t get my bearings; I’m sure I must have sounded drunk. Needless to say, the call didn’t go well.

After recounting the story that evening to my then-new wife, she encouraged me to write a letter to the woman asking for a second chance. I put pen to paper and not only explained what had happened, but conveyed my naïve-yet-enthusiastic understanding of marketing and why I was the perfect person for the job. She agreed to give me a second chance and invited me to an in-person interview when she next came to town. Needless to say, I got the job.

Shortly after that, I met the founder of the firm, who told me that my letter had made its way to his desk and was the best business letter he had ever read. That was quite a compliment for a wet-behind-the-ears college graduate, and it seared into my young mind the power of the printed word and fueled my love for writing. The consequences of that single turn of events led to a life of professional fulfillment on which I could have easily missed out.

Not all turns have such life-changing ramifications, of course, but any turn may be consequential in some way. The next time you consider taking a different route home from work, changing your desk chair, instituting a new remote-work policy, or writing an important letter (or email, or dare I say, text), consider what might come as a result of it. It may just change your life.

steve mckee bookSteve McKee is a business strategy expert and co-founder of McKee Wallwork, a nationally-recognized marketing advisory firm. He’s the author of three books: When Growth Stalls, Power Branding, and the newly-released TURNS: Where Business Is Won and Lost.

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Work Less and Relate More 

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two men talking in coffeeshop

If each of us took 10 percent of the time we devote to work and shifted it to relationship building, we’d reap impressive financial and emotional rewards.

Today’s guest post is by Larry Thornton, author of Why Not Win? A Reflection on a 50-year Journey from the Segregated South to America’s Boardrooms — And What it Teaches Us All (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

After more than 40 years of affiliations with prominent corporations, I’ve come to believe that most people could benefit from working a little less and relating to others a little more. Winning in life depends on the efforts of other people to support you and advocate on your behalf and so investing time and energy in relationships with others is a winning strategy.

I’m not advocating for a cynical, Machiavellian approach to relationships. Chances are you’ve run across people in your working life who pretend to befriend people and then seek to manipulate them for their own benefit. To the contrary, I’m suggesting that you build relationships in a sincere way such that respect and rapport come first, and support later follows.

Sometimes a relationship gets off to a shaky start and then becomes incredibly rewarding. My experience with Max Cooper illustrates this path. When I finished the training required to become a McDonald’s franchisee in the early 1990s, I wanted to build a store in my hometown of Birmingham, Alabama. I planned to be the first Black owner of a McDonald’s in the city. This would send a powerful message about the opportunities available to people of color, especially given the central role Birmingham played in the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s.

I sought advice from Max for getting started. He owned dozens of McDonald’s in the area at the time, but his exclusive rights to the territory were expiring. I thought Max would embrace the chance to help another member of the McDonald’s family. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

After several phone messages went unreturned, I went to Max’s office determined to speak with him. I knew his assistant would be wary of an unannounced visitor, so I fibbed and told her that I was there to personally thank Max for his support of my development. A stand-off arose. Max wouldn’t come out and I wouldn’t leave. In effect, I held him hostage in his own office. But Max had to emerge eventually.

When he did, he was hostile, as I expected. Max offered me some advice, but the advice seemed likely to benefit him, not me. He showed me several locations where I could open outside the Birmingham area. I told him I wasn’t interested in other options. Birmingham was my home, and I was going to own a store there.

I was elated when my grand opening day arrived, but then an uninvited guest arrived — Max Cooper. Max sauntered behind the counter (my counter) while his business partner sneered at me, “You know you can’t run a McDonald’s, don’t you? We’ll own this store in six months.” Stunned by their rudeness, I couldn’t muster a response.

Max returned two months later with a warning that I was doomed to fail. He offered to purchase my store — an offer I declined. A few months later, Max again offered to buy me out. This pattern continued for a year. Each offer revitalized my efforts to succeed.

Because I’d endured discrimination throughout my life, I believed Max’s behavior was a racially driven affront. Eventually, though, I realized it wasn’t a matter of black and white, but rather one of green — as in money. Ray Kroc, who built McDonald’s into a global icon, allegedly stated, “If any of my competitors were drowning, I’d stick a hose in their mouth and turn on the water.” Max adopted this hardline mentality in running his fast-food empire. Had Max’s own grandmother started a McDonald’s in his territory, he might have been just as cut-throat as he was with me.

Over time, mutual respect started to emerge. After I realized Max was simply an aggressive entrepreneur, and after he developed admiration for me and my business acumen, we were on our way to a healthy and productive relationship — one that helped us both win in life. Eventually Max embraced me in the way I’d hoped he would from the beginning. His advice over the years made me a better businessman. We developed a friendship that enriched our lives and strengthened McDonald’s standing in Birmingham. And, in an ironic twist, I eventually bought five of Max’s restaurants.

What if each of us took 10 percent of the time we devote to work and shifted it to relationship building? I think we’d reap impressive financial and emotional rewards. In my case, Max Cooper became a mentor and friend. I was one of the last people to visit him in his office before he passed away at age 99 — the same office where we’d had a spirited debate years earlier.

why not win bookLarry Thornton is an artist, entrepreneur, and servant leader. Growing up in segregated Montgomery, Alabama, he worked his way from sign painter to advertising manager for Coca-Cola United (CCU). Today, he owns multiple McDonald’s stores and serves on CCU’s board of directors. His book, Why Not Win? A Reflection on a 50-year Journey from the Segregated South to America’s Boardrooms — And What it Teaches Us All (UGA Press, 2019), serves as inspiration for people from all walks of life. In addition, Thornton and co-author David Ketchen’s graphic novel, You Have to Live, Why Not Win? takes his message to young audiences. Larry founded the Why Not Win Institute to share the book’s ideas on leadership, success, and personal accountability. Revenue from the sales of both his books supports the institute’s mission. Learn more at larrythornton.com.     

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What Investors are REALLY Listening For

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panel meeting

Keep these three things in mind when preparing your next pitch.

Today’s guest post is by Donna Griffit, author of Sticking To My Story: The Alchemy Of Storytelling For Startups (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Startups spend A LOT of time tweaking their pitch, their numbers, and (they should be tweaking) their story before meeting investors. Often, though, they miss out on a huge opportunity – how to speak to what investors really listen for.

Humans process information in steps – it goes through our mind by various questions popping up, seeking answers; then it starts traveling to our heart; and finally, our gut – which is where we truly make decisions. It would seem that the “top of mind” questions are the most important part to address with investors. That’s true – but we can’t ignore the other parts as well.

In my experience, there are three things investors really listen for throughout the entire pitch. And if you can point to at least one of these on each slide – you will be creating an entirely different dimension of communication. In my new book, Sticking To My Story: The Alchemy Of Storytelling For Startups, I detail how to prepare each and every aspect of an investor pitch. I want to give you a peek into these three very important things:

Credibility – This is where your numbers and preparation come into play. You must be able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you know what you’re talking about, you are an industry expert (even if you didn’t start off in your industry) with the numbers, the credentials and the evidence to back up your words.

Also, credibility is proven through your stellar team, who should be experts with unique knowledge and experience in their domain and preferably some in your startup’s industry as well. Highlight their unique skills, talents and experience that give your startup an “unfair advantage” over your competitors.

This can also help answer the question I often am asked: Where to put your Team slide. Beginning? End? Somewhere in the middle?

Ask yourself if your team adds to your credibility. Do you have serial entrepreneurs with exits under their belts? Former C-Levels from well known companies who have now joined you? Recognizable names or industry leaders on your Advisory Board? If you answered yes to any of these, definitely put the Team slide at the front. And make sure to add logos of big companies they’ve worked with or organizations they’ve been affiliated with.

If you just happen to be a nice group of scrappy, hard working, first-time entrepreneurs (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), wait til a bit later when you have grabbed their attention with your fabulous pitch.

This is not the place for false modesty – you and your teams’ accomplishments are one of the biggest assets you have as a startup – so be ready to showcase them.

Likeability – Investors aren’t just scrutinizing your company; they are scrutinizing you. They want to see that you are “mensches” – meaning good people with strong integrity. They want to know that you are people they can work with. It’s not being a yes-person; it’s showing that you are coachable and have a flexible mindset, that you won’t fight them on every suggestion or criticism that they have. They aren’t there just to write a check, they want to be able to bring value to your company in other ways – and if you aren’t open to that, it will deter them from investing.

Remember, you’re going to spend many years together, through thick and thin, sickness and health – for better and for worse – and if this sounds a bit like a marriage, you’re right! You are in a committed relationship with them for a period of time that very well might last longer and have a better outcome than many marriages today!

How do you show likeability? Is there a slide for that? A VC once told me that he sees so many good companies that he started looking for reasons to say “no” rather than “yes”. And it can be one of the seemingly most benign reasons – like a founder glancing at their phone during a meeting. This was a red flag for him, and a strikeout for the company. Sounds a bit extreme? Maybe – but they view your behavior during a meeting as a sneak peek into how you will interact with them in the future – and they should take precedence over phones.

So be present, listen more than you speak, answer questions, take notes! (Actual written notes on a pad and paper, not on your phone or computer – this shows active listening.) And please – do not argue with them! It’s ok to disagree, but arguing will definitely put you on the no list.

Momentum – This is the “rubber meets the road” moment. Investors look for winners. You need to prove that you are on a winning trajectory, scaling to new heights and they have a once in a lifetime opportunity to join your company at this stage.

This is where numbers come into play: Growth in users, in revenues, strong partnerships, an impressive pipeline, loving testimonials from users, IP or regulatory process – anything that proves you are a solution that people want and are willing to pay for or be part of. This can be shown early on in a “Brag Slide” – where you showcase your biggest and most impressive numbers if you have them, or later on in a “Traction Slide” – where you simply show your accomplishments and the phase that you’re at in product, projections, pipeline, partners and more.

If you constantly keep Credibility, Likeability and Momentum in mind and in play as you are pitching, you will definitely increase your chances to raise funding, or at the very least, forge a relationship with an investor who might come on board when you’re a bit further along.

donna-griffit-bookDonna Griffit, author of STICKING TO MY STORY: The Alchemy Of Storytelling For Startups, is a world-renowned Corporate Storyteller and Pitch Alchemist. She has helped over 1000 startups, corporates and investors raise over one billion dollars and accelerate their sales with a personal touch and unmatched messaging savvy, in any industry, at any phase. For more information, please visit www.DonnaGriffit.com

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Timing Is Key: When to Intervene in a Conflict

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office conversation

Learn how to address conflict in your organization to make it a net positive.

Today’s guest post is by Beth Fisher-Yoshida, Ph.D, author of New Story, New Power: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiation (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

Whether we like it or not, conflict is a part of life. It appears in our workplaces in a variety of ways, from slight disagreements to full-blown brawls. We often run away from dealing with conflict simply because it’s uncomfortable.

This discomfort comes from not having the skills to address conflict well, reliving bad memories of previous conflicts that didn’t go well, lacking the time to have a proper discussion, believing it’s not worth the effort, or hoping that if we ignore it, it will go away. Or a combination of all of the above.

Of course, the conflict might fade away with time. New priorities could take over. Or the conflict could fester and grow. This is one of the inherent risks in not addressing conflict early, and leaving it for later.

In an organizational setting, the type of intervention that’s effective in the first few months of a conflict is different from what might be effective after one year, or even after five years. It may sound strange, but as an external, impartial consultant, I’ve been called in to address conflicts that have been present for five years (and more!).

Positive versus painful interventions

In the initial phase of a conflict, there’s an opportunity to teach conflict resolution skills to the people who are directly and indirectly affected. Affected employees may be able to address the issues themselves or with the guidance of an impartial third party. By developing these skills and promoting a sense of agency in your staff, they’ll be able to address future concerns before they become problematic. Intervening early turns conflict into a net positive.

However, when conflict isn’t addressed for an extended period of time, painful issues can (and will) mount. Your employees may lose confidence in company leadership because leaders haven’t taken care of them or ensured their workplace is safe. Your staff may become emotionally or physically ill and take time off work to address their health concerns.

Whether employees take time off or remain in a conflict-riddled environment, productivity will drop, and so will your bottom line. Workers will spend time protecting themselves, not sharing information or engaging with others. In the end, everyone loses.

Conflict is an outlet

Conflict itself isn’t bad. How it’s managed makes all the difference. When conflicts surface, it’s a sign that something isn’t right, that an issue may need to be addressed. Maybe some new procedures need to be clarified. Or perhaps staff members aren’t sure how upcoming changes will affect them, and they need to be reassured that their interests are being considered.

As human beings, we often don’t express our underlying concerns constructively. Conflict is one outlet for letting other people know something isn’t sitting well with us. Conflict provides the opportunity for good discussions, brainstorming to surface great ideas, and transparency so that everyone is on the same page moving forward.

Here are three ways to be more preventive than reactive to the conflicts that arise in your organization:

Invest in skill development. Everyone can benefit from learning more about themselves and how they communicate with others. Many of us think we’re good communicators, and while we may be, there are always new and improved ways to reach different people, come together and solve complex issues, and remedy problems.

As your staff develops these skills, they’ll gain confidence so that when they need to address uncomfortable issues, they’re better prepared to do so, which will lead to better outcomes.

Lead by example. As a leader, you have more influence than anyone else in the organization. By participating in these same development activities, you’ll send a clear message: you value these skills so much, you’re devoting your time to them, too.

Actions speak louder than words when you demonstrate that you’re a strong leader who is open to being a lifelong learner.

Engage outside expertise. There are times when issues can be handled internally, utilizing the expertise of HR professionals or an organizational ombudsperson, if there is one. But at other times, there will need to be a stronger display of impartiality.

This is a good time to bring in an external consultant with the expertise you need. Staff members impacted by the conflict can confidently share their comments with this external consultant. This information can then be collected and aggregated so that no one individual is identified. In the spirit of transparency, the consultant’s reports can be shared so staff members understand what their colleagues are experiencing.

Of course, leadership will need to support this and be willing to implement the recommendations as feasible and appropriate.

Make conflict a step forward

Reframing conflict as a potentially good and informative process, when addressed well and early, is a step forward in creating a healthier and more collaborative work environment.

new story new powerBeth Fisher-Yoshida, Ph.D., CCS, is a global expert and educator in negotiation and communication. She’s the program director of Columbia University’s Master of Science in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution, a negotiation consultant for the United Nations, and the CEO of the consulting agency Fisher Yoshida International. Her new book, New Story, New Power: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiation, helps women of all ages make successful negotiations a reality. Learn more at bethfisheryoshida.com.

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