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The Importance of Paid Leave

July 27, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Business Toolkit, Career, Guest Blogger, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

Learn the benefits of paid leave and how men and women can create a more equitable workplace together.

Today’s post is by W. Brad Johnson, PhD and David G. Smith, PhD, co-authors of FAIR SHARE: How Men and Women Can Create a More Equitable Workplace Together (HBR Press, June 30, 2026).

From World War II through the end of the twentieth century, the workplace was increasingly composed of women. Labor force participation rates for women peaked at the end of 1999 at 60.2 percent. By the end of 2024, women’s labor force participation was slightly lower at 57.3 percent, while the participation rate for men was 67.9 percent. Since the mid-twentieth century, changing attitudes about gender roles—including the acceptability of women working outside the home, increased levels of education for women, and technology-facilitated changes in the demands and skills required in the workplace—there has been compelling economic motivation for both women and men to engage in the workforce.

With more women and mothers in the workforce, we would expect a rebalancing of unpaid work at home, especially caregiving. However, in dual-earner couples and even those where women earn more than their husbands, women are doing two more hours of caregiving and three to four more hours of housework each week than their partners. The proverbial “second shift” lives on.

Here’s the good news: when fathers have equal access and take paternity leave for durations similar to mothers’, women are more likely to stay in the workforce and their earnings increase faster. And leave-taking fathers are more likely to retain shared childcare responsibilities and increase their housework—long after paid leave ends—which can indirectly improve mothers’ employment outcomes. The personal, relational, child development, economic, workplace, and societal impact of gender equality in paid leave is far-reaching and presents an incredible opportunity. When fathers have paid leave access and use all of it, there is a systemic economic impact on women’s earnings and careers, family budgets, business profitability, and national productivity.

So, how are we doing when it comes to gender-fair paid leave? Currently, only one country in the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), among thirty members, doesn’t offer any statutory paid family leave; you guessed it, it is the United States (one of only six countries globally without national paid leave). In 2024 there were thirteen US states with paid parental leave, and outside these states, roughly 27 percent of employees had access to paid parental leave through their employer. Across OECD countries, the average paid paternity leave is 2.3 weeks, average paid maternity leave is 18.5 weeks, and average paid parental leave is thirty-nine weeks (parental leave in many OECD countries is the total combined amount of leave available to the mother and father). In the United States, women have access to an average of ten weeks of maternity leave and fathers, a paltry single week of leave. Because maternity leave is typically inclusive of the medical leave mothers need to recover from childbirth, it reinforces the need for fathers to be present for the baby’s and the mother’s care. The inequality doesn’t end with access to paid leave. While mothers in the United States report taking a median eleven weeks of leave, most fathers take a week or less, and 70 percent are back at work within two weeks. As Dawn Huckelbridge, director of Paid Leave for All, notes, “Paid leave isn’t a women’s issue, it’s not a social issue, this is an economic imperative. And it impacts men.”

Parental, maternity, and paternity leaves are a focus of much of the advocacy and policy work for caregivers as they support long-standing research on infant and maternal health. However, the supply of informal caregivers—unpaid individuals who care for family and friends—is shrinking, even as demand continues to grow due to an aging population and the increasing rates of chronic illness. This widening gap is driven by societal shifts such as more women participating in the workforce, lower birth rates, and families living farther apart. Roughly 45 percent of men and 56 percent of women identify as informal caregivers, and the top reasons reported for not doing more informal caregiving were financial strains and not being able to take time off from work. Generous caregiving leave is vital to the health and vitality of society and requires the commitment of organizational leaders.

Communicate the Benefits of Paid Leave for Fathers and Families

Inclusive leaders dedicated to a gender-fair workplace must become informed evangelists for the evidence-based benefits of equitable and generous caregiving leave. Although the health and wellness benefits of paid leave for mothers are well established, fathers who use longer periods of parental leave also experience positive and transformative outcomes. Fathers who identify more closely with being involved parents and partners take a more equitable role performing unpaid domestic labor, which has a positive impact on women’s participation in the labor force, wages and careers, and the family’s overall wellness.

Equal paid parental leave is the secret to creating real gender equity at work and at home. The following efforts are a few ways leaders can voice the benefits and opportunities to men in their organization.

Leverage Paid Leave for the Transition to Fatherhood

Parental leave helps expecting and new fathers transition to this crucial role. Ben Reyes, lawyer at Blank Rome LLP, shared that when taking his parental leave, his wife was ramping down from her five months of maternity leave. He used that time to transition their daughter away from breastfeeding to bottle feeding, developing new habits, and sleep training, so that they could have her ready for daycare at six months old. Reyes said, “My leave paved the way to do that. It was crucial to our family dynamic and plan.” Co-parenting with an infant while managing two careers helps dads develop planning skills and builds a foundation for full engagement in decision-making, and equitable distribution of domestic responsibilities moving forward.

Developing caregiver competence and confidence is another salient benefit facilitated by generous caregiving leave for men. Mothers connect to the child over the first few months, bonding and learning to understand the child’s needs in a way that creates caregiver competence and confidence. Brad Harrington, formerly at the Boston College Center for Work & Family, told us that “if the father never has solo time with children, that caregiver skill set won’t develop, casting mother and father into traditional gender roles and exacerbating career and wage plateauing for mothers due to longer caregiver career interruptions.”

Fathers who take extended parental leave share more fairly in solo care of children and care of sick kids, spend more time on domestic labor over the long term, and have a stronger sense of ownership and competency for parenting than fathers who do not take extended parental leave. The impact of men taking paid leave in the first year has positive ripple effects across children’s lives. And fathers’ proficiency at home during the first year equates to more time and flexibility for women to focus on their careers over time.

Talk with Men About Positive Health Benefits

Leverage the compelling research on health outcomes to motivate men to take all their paid leave. One of our favorite strands of research addresses the buffering effects of paternal paid leave on risks to their partners’ mental and physical health. When fathers take leave and lean in as full caregiving partners at home, mothers have better mental health trajectories, including greater overall well-being, lower stress, and fewer symptoms of depression. One study found that when fathers take parental leave, their partners were less vulnerable to postpartum depression and reported fewer parenting struggles. And the health outcomes don’t stop with mothers; there’s a lot in this for fathers taking paid parental leave too, including greater overall well-being, and lower stress and fatigue.

How about mapping caregiving leave and gender-fair parenting to better brain health? To better understand the research, we turned to one of the leading researchers in developmental psychology, Darby Saxbe at the University of Southern California, who said, “There’s evidence that father’s brains remodel from preconception across pregnancy and into the postpartum period in a way that supports greater efficiency in parts of the brain that are linked with social cognition and accurately imagining other people’s mental states. And there’s evidence that those areas are tied to stronger bonding with their baby.”

The benefits of paid leave extend to relationships with partners and children. Fathers who use paid leave reported improved relationships with their partners, an experience reciprocated by partners who report that the increased support maps to a stronger partner bond rooted in shared parenting during leave. There’s even evidence that this improved relationship connected to shared caregiving leave correlates to couples staying married longer. And don’t forget the opportunity for closer relationships with children. Caregiving time with children in their early years allows fathers to nurture a lasting bond with their kids. In one study on father-child relationships, paternity leave-taking was associated with children reporting higher parent involvement, father-child closeness, and better parental communication. Increased time for caregiving leave creates an opportunity to experience daily activities with children in those critical early months and years that echo in stronger father-child bonds years later.

Show Men How Leave-Taking Provides an Economic Boost

We love the health and relationship outcomes of parental leave, but let’s get back to the dollars and cents of paid leave within families. Nothing does more to reduce the family gender wage gap than paid parental leave. When fathers take on more unpaid work at home, enabling mothers to return to work and more rapidly, mothers’ wages improve. Research shows that for every month of parental leave a father takes, his partner’s income increases by almost 7 percent. In fact, paternity leave has a larger effect on mothers’ future earnings than maternity leave.

Paid parental leave for fathers improves household income as well as general family financial well-being. And when men share in taking caregiving leave, we see the maternal wall (aka, motherhood penalty) come tumbling down. When both parents utilize paid parental leave, it allows both partners to remain engaged at work and minimizes gender disparities in career progression.

The most gender-fair and forward-leaning employers are even creating positive indirect impact on employees’ partners. In our conversation with Molly Moon Neitzel of Molly Moon Homemade Ice Cream, she shared that the company has conversations with employees about Washington state’s paid family leave for men and women when they have a child, including how it will save their family money on childcare if the baby’s father also takes his full twelve weeks of leave. Moon Neitzel said, “This is a financial equation that benefits our employees. I hope there are a lot of men motivated to take parental leave because they’re partnered with an employee of our company, though not necessarily working for us.” We find this to be a terrific example of a company using its influence for the good of its employees.

Adaptation from FAIR SHARE: How Men and Women Can Create a More Equitable Workplace Together (HBR Press, June 30, 2026). by W. Brad Johnson PhD and David G. Smith PhD. Johnson and Smith are the cofounders of Workplace Allies where they consult, research, write, and speak around the globe on the topics of allyship, cross-gender workplace relationships, and inclusive leadership. They are the coauthors of Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women (2019) and Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace (2020).

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The Four Aspects of Leadership

July 22, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Business Toolkit, Career, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

Internalizing these four aspects of leadership is a great first step in developing your personal leadership philosophy.

When articulating your leadership philosophy, you need to think beyond the leader led diad. A lot of times we get focused on, “Well, this is how I interact with a person and that’s what leadership is about.” As a leader, you need to look at yourself more completely as an individual in a variety of domains. As I’ve looked at leadership and tried to be more complete in the thinking about it, there are really four aspects of leadership that I invite you to think about:

Leading Yourself

First is leading yourself. Where are you going? What’s important to you? What are your personal ethical standards? What are the beliefs that underpin how you’re going to interact with the members of your team?

Leading the Thinking

Next is leading the thinking. As the leader, you need to set the direction for where the team is headed. You need to articulate behavioral standards for what you will and won’t stand for from the members of your team.

Leading Your People

Next is leading your people, and we need to lead people as individuals. You can’t treat them as faceless cogs in the machine because that won’t inspire them or get the best performance out of them. Leading your people is all about understanding what their personal wants and needs are and what motivates them.

Leading a Balanced Life

The last aspect of leadership is leading a balanced life because if you’re burned out, you’re worthless to the members of your team. Additionally, as a leader, you set the tone, so you’re going to set an example on balance. Making sure that you stay in balance is important to making sure the team stays in balance.

Developing Your Leaderships Maxims

Now, a maxim is a principle or rule of conduct. Across these four aspects of leadership, you’re going to articulate your personal leadership maxims. A maxim is a short, pithy statement that serves as a reminder for how you want to behave. They need to be emotionally resonant for you. They need to stir up strong feelings because those strong feelings are going to drive you to behave in a certain way.

The maxim needs to be simple enough that you can explain the story behind it to the members of your team because you’re going to give them a window into what’s important and exciting and inspiring to you. It’s going to help them understand how you behave. You were in a situation previously that led to this set of feelings, and if you’re in a similar situation, you’re going to behave in that consistent manner. No buzzwords, no consult-o-speak, and they’re going to be a reflection of you at a specific point in time.

Your maxims should grow as you grow and have new experiences as a leader. In terms of where you can find your maxims, you already know all the answers. I’m just here to give you the tools to be able to pull them out. Maxims can come from situations where you interacted with somebody important to you. It can be a boss, a family member, or a coach who said something so profound and so inspiring to you that you say, “There’s real emotional resonance for me in that.”

Maxims can come from situations you found yourself in as a leader or a member of a team that really meant a great deal to you. Maxims are sometimes found in stories, in song, in poetry, in scripture, things that moved you, and you don’t even have to be sure why it moved you. It just did move you, and it became a fundamental belief that you have.

Maxims are all around you. You need to go back inside. Go back into your prior history and think about those situations that really meant a great deal for you. Then, create the trigger that reminds you of that situation or the phrase or the words that were actually used by that person who was meaningful to you. That phrase and that situation is what’s going to guide your behavior going forward. You’re then going to create your leadership maxims across all the aspects of leadership, and the sum of those maxims becomes your personal leadership philosophy.

Want to learn more about developing your leadership philosophy? How about taking an entire course on it? Check out the video below to learn more about the course and get started. Or you can go directly to the course and start learning how to develop your leadership philosophy. The entire course is available at LinkedIn Learning. Enjoy!

The Hidden Cost of Stress: How It Undermines Your Leadership Authority

July 20, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Business Toolkit, Communications, Guest Blogger, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

Stress does more than wear on leaders, it undermines them. What the research on nonverbal cues reveals about trust, and how to close the gap.

Today’s post is by Don Gregori, author of The Emergent Leader: A Guide to Brand Building, Leadership, and Self-Mastery.

The quarter was rough. I was just about to get in front of the team for a town hall, and some bad news was dropped in my lap. It threw me off my game. Business can be tough. I knew we would get through it. At the moment I was internalizing the stress and distracted by thinking of ways to lead through the challenge. As I spoke to the team my voice flattened. I was less animated, and the audience could sense a disconnect between how I was feeling and what I was saying. I could tell they weren’t buying it. I wasn’t lying to that room. I was stressed, and stress had changed the meaning in the words that I was saying.

Researchers who study non-verbal behavior under pressure have a name for that. It’s called the “flat affect.” Bergun and Kopper describe it as a pattern that shows reduced facial expressions, and speech that loses its dynamism and goes monotone. Interestingly, from a distance it looks like composure. Up close it reads as rigidity and detachment.

This isn’t about style and entertainment. What leaders should focus on is that people trust the non-verbal signal over the verbal one. Keep in mind that upward of 80% of our communication comes through non-verbal signals. People judge inconsistency between message and delivery as a sign of untrustworthiness, regardless of whether the words themselves are true. Unfortunately, we don’t get judged on what we meant or the words alone.

Researchers at Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence found that people calibrate to their manager’s mood within about seven minutes of interaction. They are unaware that they are even doing so. A leader’s emotional state shapes the performance and creativity of their team, not just their immediate mood. I didn’t simply lose credibility with the team at that town hall. Whatever confidence drained out of that meeting was carried back to other teams and perhaps to clients by people who had no idea they were carrying it. I unintentionally gifted them my stress.

I was standing in the gap between the quarter I’d expected and the reality of what was delivered. That gap is where the stress was really coming from. The distance between the two is where the anxiety lives. We set the expectation and as such, we are, quite literally, the primary source of our own suffering. That gap is wider right now for a lot of us than it used to be. Nobody can say with real confidence what skills will matter in eighteen months, what AI will and won’t touch, or what the market looks like two quarters out. Projecting certainty we don’t actually have is exactly the kind of incongruence our team can sense.

Two things would have served me better that day. First, narrowing the beam. Instead of trying to sound composed about a far-off uncertain future, I should have been specific about what we controlled and what we could have done right now. Certainty about the next ninety days beats vague confidence about the next year, every time. The second thing I could have done was to speak about the uncertainty out loud. Naming our fears takes some of the power away from them. The vulnerability that would have been demonstrated in that statement would have built so much more trust with the teams. It would have closed the gap between the message and the delivery that the room was picking up on.

If I could take that stage today, I’d throw away the artificial composure. I’d level with the room and say, “Sometimes business is hard. Sometimes work is a four-letter word. These tough times will pass, and when we come together to get through them. The satisfaction we will get on the other end will be so much sweeter. Let’s dive into what we can do right now.”

A stressed, rigid version of myself could have never delivered that message convincingly. Authenticity beats an artificially perfect veneer every time.

Don Gregori is COO of First Factory, Inc. and author of The Emergent Leader: A Guide to Brand Building, Leadership, and Self-Mastery (Torchflame Books). He writes and speaks on leadership, resilience, and building companies made to last. Find more about Don and his book at emergentleader.co and https://www.linkedin.com/in/emergentleader/

Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers But People Do

June 1, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Business Toolkit, Guest Blogger /by Trevor Jones

Self-awareness is a huge perk of being human. Unfortunately, it can also lead to chronic illness.

Today’s post is by Steve Adams, CEO of Tiger Performance Institute and author of Unleash the Peak Performer Within You.

Zebras are horse-like creatures with beautifully striped coats that fascinate children and adults alike. Zebras have a distinct advantage over humans in one particularly important area of life: how they manage stress. To understand this phenomenon, we need to begin with the concept of interference. In my book, Unleash the Peak Performer Within You, I share the Performance Formula. Simply stated, it reads:

Performance = Skill – Interference

What is Interference?

Interference is a term representing anything that prevents your skills from taking over to produce a high level of productivity and performance. A short list of potential interference includes anxiety, ADD, emotional control problems, and poor sleep. There are many more sources of interference, and they all get in the way of good performance. Eliminating or reducing your interference represents a direct path to improved performance.

As you begin the journey of learning how to reduce interference and change your health trajectory, understanding and strengthening your autonomic nervous system is vital.

The Autonomic Nervous System

What is the autonomic nervous system (ANS)? The ANS is a branch of your nervous system that regulates involuntary functions and is constantly assessing the environment around you and sending information to the brain. This ongoing process keeps you healthy and safe and goes unnoticed as you go about your day. Its goal is to balance your body to its environment.

Functions such as heart rate, salivary secretions, eye dilation, digestion, and adrenaline release are governed by your ANS.

Your ANS has two branches, each at one extreme of functioning. These branches are called parasympathetic (rest and digest) and sympathetic (fright, fight, or flight).

An example from animals is in order…

Stress Responses: Humans vs. Animals

When a zebra is being chased by a lion, its blood flow concentrates to core life-sustaining organs. Digestion slows and heart rate increases. When you face a stressful situation, your body will do the same thing.

Once a zebra has eluded the lion, it returns to a “rest and digest” state or parasympathetic response. This is when the body returns to balance with its environment.

Animals are always one-to-one with their environment. This is where the difference between humans and animals becomes evident. Animals live on instinct. We are different; we are capable of conscious thought.

When you experience stress, your sympathetic branch of the ANS is activated. It’s what’s commonly referred to as a “fight-or-flight” response. It’s okay when a mortal danger presents itself. It’s not okay when you chronically respond to everyday life this way.

In fact, when you unproductively manage stress in this way, it leads to common and preventable disease such as type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and high blood pressure to name a few.

Because we are self-aware and have the power of creating theater of the mind, humans can and do ruminate about past events and worry about future concerns. We can literally invent stress in our minds by looking back or ahead.

The fascinating thing about this is that your body doesn’t differentiate between real events playing out in front of you, such as a stranger threatening you, and an event playing out in your mind. Either way, you end up with a stress response. When the conversations you are having with yourself are chronically stressful, you are putting yourself into chronic stress.

The research is settled: chronic stress and chronic debilitating disease are highly correlated. Learning to manage stress properly is one thing you can do to significantly improve your health today and tomorrow.

So now you know why zebras don’t get ulcers, but people do! Our habit of unwittingly placing ourselves in a state where our bodies think a lion is chasing us drives a cascade of reactions in our brains and bodies that make us physically and mentally sick. Our ability to perform at a high level is then severely compromised.

Chronic stress, and all its negative consequences, represents serious interference. Learning to manage stress well will reduce your interference and improve your performance.

How to Reduce Interference

Strategies to improve your autonomic nervous system balance include heart rate variability training, deep diaphragm breathing, optimizing sleep, daily movement, and practicing gratitude. Additionally, learning how to properly process thoughts and not hang onto them, leading to endless ruminations, is key.

The next best step is to assess imbalances in your autonomic nervous system, then seek training from a qualified organization and provider to help you regain control. The goal is to become your own best coach and learn to self-regulate your responses to life’s events. In doing so, your nervous system will then work for you rather than against you. When it does, you will live healthier and become a peak performer based on your definition of success and performance!

Steve L. Adams, MBA is the author of Unleash the Peak Performer Within You and founder and CEO of Tiger Performance Institute. His passion lies in helping high-achieving entrepreneurs, professionals, and CEOs achieve sustainable peak performance through his innovative, hyper-personalized, precision health optimization system and performance training. You can check out Adams here at www.steveladams.com, and learn more about his training programs at www.tigerpi.com.

Why Smart People Make the Same Interpersonal Mistakes Over and Over

May 11, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Communications, Guest Blogger /by Trevor Jones

Most recurring personality conflicts are not about a single behavior or conversation. They’re part of a pattern.

Today’s post is by Laura Dabney, M.D., psychiatrist, relationship expert, and founder of Relationship RX.

Smart, high-functioning people are often surprised by one thing: their relationships don’t improve in the same way their careers do.

They know how to solve problems. They think clearly, act decisively, and learn quickly. But in relationships, they find themselves having the same arguments, feeling the same frustrations, and repeating the same dynamics often with different people.

It doesn’t make sense on the surface. But that’s because relationship problems are rarely about logic. They’re about emotional patterns.

The Pattern Beneath the Problem

Most recurring interpersonal issues are not about a single behavior or conversation. They’re part of a pattern. One of the most common is a push-pull dynamic.

People want closeness, but some feel uncomfortable with it. Intimacy can feel consuming, controlling or invasive. At the same time, distance can feel like rejection or abandonment. So they move toward connection, and then, often without realizing it, move away from it.

They reach out, then shut down. They engage, then criticize. They seek closeness, then create distance.

This back-and-forth is not a desire for drama. It’s a conflict between two opposing fears: fearing closeness and fearing distance.

Until that conflict is understood, the pattern repeats.

Emotional Conflict Drives Behavior

Most people assume their relationship problems come from what they say or do. In reality, the deeper issue is how they relate to their own emotions.

Many emotional problems arise not from the feeling itself, but from the reaction to the feeling, which is often shame or guilt.

For example:

People may feel guilty about anger toward someone they love, so they suppress it.
They may feel embarrassed about needing others, so they hide it.
They may believe sadness makes them weak, so they push it away.

But when emotions are suppressed, they don’t disappear. They come out indirectly.

Anger that isn’t expressed constructively often turns into criticism or defensiveness. Sadness that isn’t acknowledged can become withdrawal or emotional overwhelm. Unspoken needs turn into resentment.

In the workplace, this can look like a leader who feels undermined but, instead of expressing that directly, becomes overly critical in meetings or defensive in feedback. Or someone who feels overlooked but disengages rather than addressing it, leading others to interpret it as lack of interest rather than unspoken frustration.

The issue isn’t the emotion, it’s whether it’s expressed in a way that invites understanding or escalating conflict.

Constructive vs Destructive Expression

An emotion like anger isn’t inherently a problem in relationships.

Constructive aggression expresses hurt and invites understanding. Destructive aggression tries to hurt or punish the other person back with criticism or control.

Constructive passivity expresses a need to pause and regroup. Destructive passivity tries to hurt or punish with silent resentment or prolonged withdrawal.

The difference is not the emotion itself, it’s how it’s stated.

When emotions are expressed directly and honestly, they create clarity. When they’re suppressed or expressed indirectly, they create confusion and escalation.

Why Logic Creates Distance

High-functioning people often default to logic.

They explain their position. They defend themselves. They try to prove they’re right.

But this tends to push the other person away.

Arguing facts, defending your perspective, or trying to win a point often creates emotional distance because it avoids the other person’s perspective and the pattern underneath.

Feelings create intimacy. Logic creates distance.

Talking about feelings is a form of connection. It allows another person to see your internal experience in real time. Without that, conversations remain surface, unbalanced and the real issue remains unresolved.

The Problem with Mind-Reading

Another common pattern is expecting the other person to already understand you. Many conflicts begin with the assumption: “They should know why I’m upset.”

At work, this often shows up as expecting colleagues or team members to anticipate concerns without clear communications, leading to frustration when expectations aren’t met. Instead of naming the issues directly, people react to perceived slights or office dynamics, which escalates tension and creates misunderstandings.

But partners can’t respond to feelings that are never expressed.

When expectations remain unspoken, frustration builds. When communication stays indirect, misunderstandings multiple.

Clear expression isn’t excessive – it’s essential.

Why Smart People Stay Stuck

If these patterns are so frustrating, why do they persist? Because they’re protective.

Avoiding certain emotions like anger, sadness or neediness, can feel safer in the moment. But that avoidance creates the very problems people are trying to solve.

Smart people, in particular, are good at staying in control. They rely on thinking, reasoning, and self-sufficiency. Those strengths work in many areas of life. But in relationships, they can become defenses that create a wedge between partners.

The result is a misalignment. Using logic to solve emotional problems doesn’t work.

Changing the Pattern

Breaking these patterns doesn’t require a complete overhaul. It requires a shift in how you engage emotionally within the interaction.

That includes:

Naming what you actually feel instead of explaining it away.
Expressing needs directly instead of expecting others to infer them.
Recognizing your role in the dynamic instead of focusing only on the other person.

Even small changes can alter the entire pattern.

When the emotional reality is brought into the interaction, the cycle no longer has the same structure to continue.

The Bottom Line

Smart adults often try to create connection using the tools that work everywhere else: logic, analysis, and control.

And to be fair, those tools do work in professional settings.

At work, people are compensated to tolerate discomfort. There’s structure, defined roles, compensation, and an implicit agreement to accept direction, feedback, and even criticism. That framework buffers the emotional impact of being corrected or pushed to change.

But personal relationships don’t have that buffer. No one is being paid to absorb feedback, follow direction, or manage someone else’s emotional tone. So when the same approaches, logic correction, or verbal force, are used at home, they don’t create cooperation. They create distance.

Your assistant is paid to adapt to you. Your partner is not.

“Effective communication” at work often feels like control or criticism in a personal relationship.

Connection requires something different. It requires the willingness to be emotionally known, not managed, directed or optimized.

Because the issue isn’t a lack of intelligence.

It’s using the wrong relational model in the wrong context.

Laura Dabney, M.D. is a psychiatrist, relationship expert, and founder of Relationship RX, a coaching and education platform focused on clarity in complex relationships. For over two decades, Dr. Dabney has worked with high-functioning adults struggling in painful relational patterns, often involving personality disorders, helping them understand what’s really happening beneath chronic conflict, emotional volatility, and repeated relational breakdowns.

The Role Stress Plays in Stupidity

April 7, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Guest Blogger /by Trevor Jones

Prolonged, chronic stress often causes relative stupidity. Learn more about the connection between stress and cognitive performance.

Today’s post is by Nicole Lipkin, author of What Keeps Leaders Up at Night.

I wrote my most recent book, What Keeps Leaders Up At Night, on a barstool at my kitchen counter. The day I started chapter 3, a chapter about stress, my neighbor started construction on her house. When I say “construction,” I mean a complete demolition that started at 5 AM and continued well into the night. The contractors enjoyed screaming profanities as loud as they could, blasting music, and doing the loudest possible work either very early in the morning or really late at night. The screaming. The hammering. The noise!

After a week, I was living in a state of chronic agitation, “grrrr-ing” throughout the day, not sleeping well at night, anticipating being awoken by a jackhammer or drill that would feel like it was inside my brain. My concentration and thinking were so shot that I couldn’t think, let alone write. In hindsight, I probably should have gone elsewhere to work, but I couldn’t think clearly. I was stuck in a state of stress-induced stupidity and mired in rage. My state of existence became a stream of fragmented grunts and groans. I lacked the brainpower to change the situation, to think: “Go to a coffee shop or your office, Nicole.” The deadline for chapter 3 was fast approaching.

Prolonged, chronic stress often causes relative stupidity. Today’s business environment is saturated with “low-grade fevers:” financial problems, overwork, job dissatisfaction, jackhammers, drills, information overload and a host of other issues. Amazingly enough, though our brains are capable of dealing with sudden acute stress, they don’t fare so well with chronic stress, i.e., the endless little yipping Chihuahuas that prompt what psychologists call the long-term fight/flight response.

Our stress response triggers hormone secretion (especially mood-altering cortisol) and the perceptions of a given threat determine the type and amount of hormones the endocrine system will dispense. A steady bombardment of blinking lights, phone beeps, email alerts, and personal/professional obligations build up a chemical cocktail that keeps our bodies in a constant state of edginess, impairing memory, thinking and learning. Left unnoticed or ignored, this condition increases the odds that you will end up with serious mental and/or physical health problems, or in my case, pure stupidity.

Turn Off Your Brain: How to Regain Control of Your Sleep as an Entrepreneur

March 23, 2026/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Entrepreneur, Guest Blogger /by Trevor Jones

Establishing good sleep habits can improve your health and productivity as an entrepreneur. Reclaim your sleep with these tips.

Today’s post is by Brad Wayland, Chief Strategy Officer at BlueCotton.

If you are anything like me, you are no stranger to long, sleepless nights – no matter how bad for your health they might be. But take it from me, this is not something you want to make a habit. You need to reclaim your sleep. Here’s how to do just that:

It is three in the morning, and you are on a roll. It does not matter that you need to be up at eight tomorrow. You have work to do, and now is the time to do it.

Except it is not. At all. Not only are you killing your productivity by pulling these all-nighters, but you are also slowly killing yourself.

I will spare you the details. I am sure you have already heard repeatedly that sleep deprivation is directly linked to a range of very nasty illnesses. I am sure you already know that you need to start sleeping more and sleeping better.

And I am also sure you have no idea how. I have been there. Read more

Technology Induced Attention Deficit Disorder

November 11, 2025/1 Comment/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Communications, Guest Blogger, Leadership, Social Media /by Trevor Jones

Technology has been an integral part of our lives for years now, but what happens when technology starts to make doing work even more difficult.

Today’s post is by Dr. Brian Smith, author of Individual Advantages. This is an archived guest post originally published in 2019.

Patience is waning in all aspects of human interaction; impatience is being felt throughout the whole of society. Society today—today being defined as the late 1980s to the present—has undergone a rapid evolution in information collection, manipulation, storage, and presentation. Life has been transformed into an environment where information is readily available on demand.

As technology has become the focal point for most of the developed world, costs for said technology have decreased rapidly—making them more readily available for people of all ages. As businesses and humans have started to rely more heavily on technology, our personal expectations have been raised across the board in every aspect of our lives. It is this fundamental change in expectation where I identified the topic for my dissertation (in 2001) long before it became a common human problem: Technology Induced Attention Deficit Disorder (TIADD).

When I argued my dissertation about TIADD, I was designing and implementing ERP systems and working with companies to manage the organizational change being caused by technology’s effect on humans. Internet access rates were increasing, and you could get a 128k baud rate at home and 1,544k baud rate at work.

From 2001 to now, we have seen data speeds increase more than fiftyfold. We have also expanded the influence of technology from the workplace, to home, to our back pocket. This transformation in data delivery has created the constant need for immediate gratification of knowledge; we need answers this instant. This need for immediate gratification has a negative effect on human relationships in all aspects of human interaction: from quality to quantity.

Nature as Coach: The 4.5-Billion-Year-Old Leadership Expert Right Outside Your Window

July 28, 2025/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Business Toolkit, Guest Blogger, Leadership, Strategy /by Trevor Jones

Nature offers 4.5 billion years of leadership wisdom. Learn regenerative principles from forests, oceans & ecosystems to build resilient organizations.

Today’s post is by Dr. Kathleen Allen, author of Leading from the Roots: Nature-inspired Leadership Lessons for Today’s World.

What if the best leadership coach wasn’t found in an office or consulting firm, but in the world outside? What if a mentor with 4.5 billion years of experience in regenerative systems were available to you now?

Since life began, Nature has been running the ultimate leadership laboratory. Every ecosystem, from our forests to our oceans, has survived and thrived using regenerative principles that business schools are just beginning to pay attention to. Yet in my four decades of management consulting experience, I know that leaders who view their organizations as “living systems” have consistently created the most resilient, successful businesses.

Nature has always been an excellent model, mentor and muse for leaders, and perhaps even more so today. It’s the foundation for the regenerative leadership movement, and I’ve spent my entire career helping leaders incorporate lessons from Nature to create more successful teams and organizations.

What is regenerative leadership?

Regenerative leaders work with the energy and potential in a system, rather than trying to force it in a specific direction. They know growth doesn’t come from control, but from trust and alignment with Nature’s principles. Regenerative organizations have a strong focus on resilience and long-term goals that support the organization, the planet, and many generations to come.

Charles Darwin is often misquoted as saying “survival of the fittest,” but what he really said goes to the heart of Nature-based, regenerative leadership practices:

“It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most able to adapt to change.”

This subject is too complex to explain fully here, but I’ll try to give you some of the points that seem to resonate most with my clients and others I reach through my books and speaking engagements. Here goes!

Generosity as a growth strategy

Picture yourself walking through an old-growth forest. Beneath your feet lies one of Nature’s most sophisticated coaching models, the mycelium network. This underground web of fungi connects trees in a system many scientists call the “wood wide web.” Here, mature trees share nutrients with seedlings, send chemical warnings about pest attacks, and redirect resources to support struggling community members.

If Nature were coaching you on organizational leadership, this would be the first lesson. True strength comes not from individual performance, but from the health of the entire system. The largest trees in the forest aren’t hoarding resources. They’re the most generous, understanding that their survival depends on the thriving of the whole community.

A focus on the cycle, not the clock

If Nature could review your leadership strategy, it might wonder why so many organizations chase constant growth. It’s as if spring were the only season worth repeating. But Nature follows a deeper wisdom, what scientists call the adaptive cycle. This pattern includes growth, conservation, release, and renewal. It’s a constant feedback loop that creates all the necessary phases for resilience and sustained success.

In this cycle change is not a disruption but a vital phase. After periods of growth and holding on, Nature lets go. Structures break down, making room for renewal. People and teams need the same. Burnout is often the result of never pausing. Sustainability comes from aligning with the rhythms that truly support life, professionally and personally.

Nature’s model for interdependence

Traditional management practices view interdependence as merely task based. But as organizational consultant Ranjay Gulati wrote in a 2020 Harvard Business Review article:

“As organizations face increasingly unpredictable workstreams and workers co-design the organization alongside managers, our field requires a more comprehensive toolbox that incorporates aspects of agent-based interdependence.”

The ocean offers a profound model of interdependence. Beneath its surface lies a vast, living web of relationships. Currents circulate nutrients across thousands of miles, coral reefs act as cooperative neighborhoods, and even the smallest organisms influence the entire system. Each ecosystem functions through mutual responsiveness, constant feedback, and shared survival. This is the kind of energy we need to cultivate in our organizations.

Even predator-prey relationships in the ocean demonstrate this interdependence. Predators regulate populations, while prey species often drive migration patterns and influence ecosystem behavior.

These dynamics reflect balance, not domination. Regenerative leaders know that power circulates, adapts, and evolves through feedback and relationship, just as it does in the sea. Successful businesses today demonstrate that real strength comes not from command-and-control structures, but from relationships rooted in trust, reciprocity, and shared purpose.

Softness as a strategic advantage

Billionaire entrepreneur and investor Mark Cuban said recently that three soft skills, curiosity, agility and adaptability, are key to thriving in any era. This is also true for organizations.

Nature’s coaching on softness challenges everything we’ve been taught about leadership strength. The most adaptable organisms aren’t the hardest, they’re the most flexible.

Nature teaches us to create conditions in which change flows naturally, rather than driving it by force. Consequently, resistance becomes information rather than opposition, and flexibility becomes a major competitive advantage.

Monocultures create fragility so in Nature’s coaching model, diversity is a survival strategy. Diversity among teams cultivates different ways of thinking, and of solving problems. Oceans don’t thrive because they have different species. The different species represent a diverse set of roles, perspectives, and approaches to success. We need that paradigm now more than ever in our organizations.

Humans and Nature

We can forget humans are a species within Nature. We’ve evolved within its systems, not outside of them. We perform at our best when following the rhythms that have sustained our planet for thousands of years. When we look for guidance in times of great complexity, change, and uncertainty, what better coach than the most time-tested, adaptive, resilient system of them all?

The question isn’t whether Nature has wisdom to offer our leadership practices. It’s whether we’re ready to listen.

Thought leader, author and trusted advisor, Dr. Kathleen Allen helps organizations and executives create meaningful change using Nature as a model for more effective leadership practices. More at kathleenallen.net

The Hidden Cost Of The Cape: Why High-Performing Women Must Stop Ignoring The Signs Of Burnout

May 19, 2025/1 Comment/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Career, Guest Blogger, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

Lynn Blades reveals why ambitious women must stop ignoring burnout, offering practical strategies to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and lead sustainably without sacrificing health, success, or well-being.

Today’s post is by Lynn Blades, author of THE QUIET BURN.

I can’t count the number of times a client has called in tears, overwhelmed from stress, or physically ill on the border of burnout. By that time, it’s often too far along for a quick fix. I have two decades of experience as an executive leadership coach working with women across the Fortune groups and globally successful entrepreneurs. I have witnessed a distressing pattern: brilliant women wearing the Superwoman cape only to watch it fall from their shoulders as they disintegrate into smouldering ashes. Heads up ladies, Superwoman is a cartoon character. I should know.

For years, I ignored the physical, mental, and emotional signs of burnout. A decade ago, my doctor told me I needed physical therapy for my deteriorating lower back. But I prioritized work deadlines, client demands, and personal obligations instead. I told myself I would get to it later. “Later” turned into five years, and by then, the damage was irreversible. I was crippled by acute pain that robbed me of mobility. Ultimately, I underwent major spinal surgery. I’m now the owner of a titanium cage, three three-inch screws holding me up not to mention months of gruelling recovery. This lesson did not have to be learned the hard way.

Ignoring your needs does not make you stronger. It breaks you.

Why Do So Many Women Ignore the Signs?

As women, society conditions us early on to prioritize other’s needs over our own. We wear selflessness as a badge of honor. We are rewarded for saying “yes,” and made to feel guilty for establishing boundaries. Add to that the unspoken rule in corporate and entrepreneurial environments: you must be twice as good to get half as far.

The result?

Many women impose internal pressure to overdeliver, to outperform, to say “yes” when they should say “no” — all at the expense of their health, sanity, and spirit. We feel societal guilt for looking after ourselves.

In a recent Deloitte study, 53% of women reported feeling more stressed this past year than the year before, and nearly 40% cited burnout as the main reason they left their companies. Don’t make the mistake in thinking burnout disappears with a weekend off or a week of vacation. It can take months or even years, to recover from full-blown burnout depending on severity.

Recognizing Burnout Before It Becomes Crippling

Burnout is a serious condition marked by emotional exhaustion, cynicism, and a reduced sense of personal accomplishment.

You’re entering the danger zone if you are experiencing any of the following:

Constant fatigue, even after rest

Increased detachment/irritability

Working harder but producing less

Chronic back pain, migraines, and digestive issues

Emotional numbness

Ignoring these signs can lead to grave consequences — physically, emotionally, personally, and professionally.

Boundaries Are Not a Luxury. They Are a Leadership Skill

Embrace the power of saying “no” — unapologetically and without guilt.

Saying “no” to energy drainers creates space for what sustains you.

Self-care is not selfish. It is self-respect.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot lead, innovate, or inspire if you are running on fumes.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries:

Only attend essential meetings

Let go of control and delegate when possible

Block time in your diary for things that nourish your mind, body and soul

Be willing to disappoint others rather than betray yourself

Recovery: Rebuilding After Burnout

If you find yourself in a state of burnout or dangerously close, do not despair; recovery is possible. However, it must be intentional. Here are few things I recommend to my clients (and what I followed myself after my surgery):

Prioritize sleep — healing requires consistent sleep hygiene

Bring in a pro — coaches, therapists, and medical professionals can provide structure and support

Scale back — ruthlessly reassess what is essential versus what can wait

Reconnect with your “why” — remind yourself of your values, beliefs and purpose

Gently move your body — healing physically also heals mentally

Reconnect with nature — get outside, take time to stare at the sky and smell the roses

Practice radical self-compassion — the road back is not linear

Closing Thoughts: Choose Yourself First

Drop the cape. It was never meant to be worn forever.

Real strength is not in how much you can endure. Real strength is knowing when to step back, when to recharge, and when to choose yourself.

Don’t be a martyr. You owe it to yourself, your loved ones, and your legacy to lead from a place of wholeness.

If you recognize yourself in this message, act now. Your body, mind, and future self will thank you.

Lynn Blades, Founder of Legacy Leadership, is the author of THE QUIET BURN: The Ambitious Woman’s Guide to Recognizing and Preventing Burnout. www.lynnblades.com

4 Ways an Unhealthy Lifestyle Affects Your Ability to Lead

December 30, 2024/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Guest Blogger, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

An unhealthy lifestyle can decrease productivity, reduce creativity, increase absences from work, and negatively affect our moods and relationships. Are you living a healthy lifestyle that enables you to be a better leader? If not, when will you start?

Today’s post is by Helen Sanders, chief editor at HealthAmbition.com.

Being a leader requires hard work, efficiency, creativity, the ability to form and maintain relationships (i.e., people skills), persistence and dedication. However, when you’re living an unhealthy lifestyle, your ability to lead may be impacted.

Let’s dive into exactly how a poor diet and lack of exercise may affect the various skills and characteristics every leader needs.

An Unhealthy Diet Results in Decreased Productivity

As a leader, you need to be productive. Otherwise, your ideas will remain ideas for a very long time. So, how can you be more productive? Well, you can start by avoiding unhealthy foods—such as those which are high in fat, salt and sugar.

High-fat foods, like burgers, give us longer-lasting energy but require our digestive system to work harder. This reduces oxygen levels in our brain and causes us to feel tired and worn out. When we feel this way, we don’t work as efficiently as we could. This can potentially result in reduced profits and having to work longer hours (which means less time for planning ahead and other important activities). According to the WHO, adequate nutrition can raise national productivity levels by 20%.

It’s best to eat fruits, vegetables and foods containing healthy fats—such as nuts and fish. These will provide you with the nutrition you need for high energy, cognitive efficiency an overall better mood (more on this below).

A Lack of Exercise May Cause a Lack of Creativity

Perspective, Pounce, Propel: How to Adjust to Life’s Curve Balls

September 30, 2024/0 Comments/in Balanced Lifestyle, Books, Career, Guest Blogger, Leadership /by Trevor Jones

We all face adversity in our lives. The difference is in how you approach it. If you’re willing to look past the challenge and have the determination to overcome it, you can achieve more than you ever dreamed was possible.

Today’s post is by Patricia Walsh, author of BLIND AMBITION: How To Envision Your Limitless Potential And Achieve The Success You Want.

In 1986 I lost my vision due to a pediatric brain tumor. I lost my vision completely out of my right eye and retained a 5 degree tunnel of light perception out of my left. At the age of 15 I knew I would have to face real adversity head on if I were going to make anything of myself.

I have gone on to be the world record holder for blind and low vision athletes in the ironman distance triathlon, I have a successful career in engineering, as well as being the 4 x National Champion for sprint distance triathlon. People ask me how I have overcome. I always find this question confusing. I have not overcome blindness. I am now and always will be blind. I have however learned to own the experience and embrace the ever changing challenges.

The maxims I live by when things get hard are as follows:

Perspective – this won’t kill you

Pounce – maintain a willingness to fail gracefully

Propel – I wouldn’t trust someone who hadn’t been challenged

Perspective