What? You’re Leaving Me?

When a top employee resigns, how should a leader respond? Discover best leadership practices for handling transitions with integrity and support.

Today’s guest post is by Mark C. Fava, author of “LESSONS FROM THE ADMIRAL: Naval Wisdom and Sea Stories for Leaders”

You have trained and mentored an employee for years. You have invested time and money to ensure their development, success, and future. You have poured your soul and wisdom into them. They are on your high-performance list and your succession plan for the future.

Then you get the email, or they poke their head into your office.

They ask, “Hey, can we talk?”

“Sure,” you respond, as you have done many times before. “What’s up?”

“Look, I have really enjoyed my time here and am so thankful for everything you have done for me. I have valued every day and have grown both professionally and personally, but I have been presented with a new opportunity that I don’t think I can pass up.”

Then it hits you. This is going to be a resignation discussion. They have found another job and are leaving. You feel confused, upset, and perhaps a little betrayed. You have worked to invest in this person for years, and they want to go elsewhere. How could that possibly be?

How does a leader respond?

This scenario has happened to me twice, once as a naval officer and later as a civilian aviation attorney.

I discuss the first time in the last chapter of my book, “Lessons from the Admiral: Naval Wisdom and Sea Stories for Leaders.” I had been in the prestigious position as an admiral’s aide for seventeen months.

The Admiral had hand-picked me for this job. We were together almost every day, from well before sunrise to well after sunset. I trusted him and he trusted me. However, after six years as a naval flight officer, I decided to leave active duty military service and transition to the Navy Reserves to attend law school. That was a significant decision based on my military career success and the time I had already invested in the Navy, and the Navy had invested in me.

When I told the Admiral, he looked up at me and paused. “Are you sure?” he asked.

I responded, “Yes, sir.”

He continued, “Can I talk you out of it?”

“No sir,” I said with my heart pounding.

“No changing your mind?” he asked.

“No sir,” I said as sweat grew in my armpits.

“Okay,” he said with a deep sigh. “What can I do to help you, Mark?”

I will never forget that response. At that time, I knew he could have summarily relieved me of my position as his aide. Many in the Navy would deem my leaving active service a retention failure on his part.

That was authentic leadership. He also helped me by writing strong letters of recommendation for my law school applications and a glowing final military evaluation report.

Fast forward almost twenty years later when I was faced with the same decision to leave a law firm. I had worked incredibly hard and built a multi-million dollar book of aviation business, handling litigation cases and regulatory matters for many air carriers and aviation operators. I had expressed concern to the managing partners about what I perceived to be the gross inequity of the pay scale based on the revenue I was bringing into the firm compared to those who did not have a book of business, but over the years, continued to be compensated at much higher pay. They were being paid on an antiquated model based on seniority that had disincentivized the up-and-coming top producers like me.

I had expressed my frustration many times to no avail. I finally set up a meeting with the managing partner to show him my business’s financial numbers and growth trajectory. I diplomatically tried to make the case that the compensation structure was patently unfair.

He listened patiently and then said, “Mark, we have had this discussion several times, and the compensation system will not be changed for you. If you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror every day, maybe this is not the place for you. You’re just going to have to wait your turn. Others have. And I’m not going to have this discussion with you again.”

I got the message loud and clear. Honestly, it was a message that I needed to hear. That day, I learned that one’s destiny is, in many respects, controlled by one’s own actions. So, I took action and left the firm within the next three months.

I was polite and diplomatic when I informed the managing partner of my resignation. I stated that I had another opportunity and thought it would be best for my family and me to move on. I loved the firm and the lawyers there but couldn’t stay.

Three weeks later, when I got my final check, the firm had decided not to compensate me on a pro-rata basis for the revenue I had brought to the firm when my pay terms were based on that. There was no requirement that I complete the full year to receive that incentive payment. Unfortunately, it took several heated discussions with the managing partner before that pay was sent to me weeks later.

Unlike my positive departure from military service years before, the law firm departure became a miserable experience and a lousy memory. I remember both vividly today.

So, what do you say when an employee announces their resignation politely and honorably? From a leadership perspective, the best practice is to help them with the transition and cheer them on as they leave.

Over the years, as a boss and leader, I have had several key employees come in and have that resignation discussion. I look up at them and say, “Gosh, I really hate to see you go. Can I change your mind? If not, how can I help you?”

Mark C. Fava, author of LESSONS FROM THE ADMIRAL: Naval Wisdom and Sea Stories for Leaders, is a speaker, retired US Navy Captain, and career aviation lawyer at the world’s largest aerospace manufacturer. He was not the Admiral. He resides in Charleston, South Carolina. For more information, visit www.markcfava.com.

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