3 Keys to Move from Boss to Leader

There’s a big difference between being a boss and being a leader. Using three simple yet key approaches can make all the difference in helping you make that shift.

Today’s post is by Gina Folk, author of People Leadership: 30 Strategies to Ensure Your Team’s Success (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

During a recent business trip, I was sitting on a plane leafing through a left-behind copy of the Tampa Bay Times when this headline in the “Career Q&A” section spurred my curiosity: “Put bad boss behind you ASAP.” The person who had submitted the question was asking for advice about a “boss from hell” (referred to as “Cheryl”) who chewed out employees on a regular basis, blamed staff for her mistakes, and took credit for others’ accomplishments. This individual went on to explain that the entire executive staff of her organization modeled this same behavior.

The columnist’s advice was simple: “put the bad boss behind you ASAP.”

Perhaps not the worst idea, considering how pervasive this poisonous culture the inquirer was describing appeared to be in their workplace. However, I couldn’t help but ponder what might be possible if this same dialogue happened between “Cheryl” and the columnist. What if Cheryl realized her faults and wrote in asking for advice on how to put her inner bad boss behind her ASAP?

After thinking on this question for a while, I came up with some answers I would offer Cheryl if given the chance. Here are three actions she could embrace in order to go from “boss from hell” to “leader from heaven:”

1. Think before you chew

Most people know that chewing people out or yelling at them is an inappropriate reaction in any situation, personal or business. However, since we are all human, each of us has most likely lashed out at someone at least once in our life—and bosses from hell do it all the time.

The best way to avoid engaging in this unpleasant behavior? Think before you chew—or, in other words, take the time to think about your response before simply reacting. When someone frustrates you and you feel the urge to yell, try this simple 3-step process instead:

1) Find some physical way to signal to your body and mind that your first desired response should be squelched. Bite your tongue, clench your fist, take a deep breath whatever works for you. This serves as a pattern interrupt for your brain and allows you a clearer space from which to proceed

2) Quickly and quietly reflect on what caused your desire to lash out. Was it their tone, their words, their actions? Are you reacting based on a personal fear—did you hear a parent or loved one’s judgment in your inner ear, for example, or did something about the interaction make you feel unheard or underappreciated? Frustration is usually as simple as that, and if you can take a quick moment to identify it (in silence), you can see it for what it is—your stuff, not the other person’s

3) Think about what you are going to say the other person, and how you’re going to say it. If you need to ask the person to repeat what he or she said so that you can hear it from a space of clarity instead of chaos, do so. After going through these three steps, you should be ready to respond in a more measured, nonreactive way.

2. Take blame and give credit

Bosses often give blame and take credit. This means that they are quick to blame others for their so-called “failures” and just as quick to take all the praise for any successes they might have. This behavior stems from a desire for self-preservation. People that are seen as bossy and arrogant are most often insecure types who underneath their hard shell are actually scared to death of looking bad, and the only way they know to avoid having that happen is to make themselves out to be the heroes and others to be the villains.

But they don’t have to stay that way: people like Cheryl can transform from boss to leader by reversing the pattern—by taking the blame when necessary and offering credit where it’s due. This can feel difficult; after all, taking the blame never feels good. But if you take the blame for your team’s mistakes and work with your employees to learn from those mistakes instead of chastising them, your team will know you have their back, and they will be more mindful of their actions going forward.

The same goes for giving credit: if Cheryl gave her team credit instead of taking it for herself, her team would feel appreciated and valued, which would increase their individual productivity and effectiveness. As backwards as it may sound, leaders can achieve heavenly results for their team members AND themselves by taking blame and giving credit.

3. Don’t follow, LEAD

Just because Cheryl’s executive team members all exhibit boss-from-hell behaviors does not mean that Cheryl has to follow suit. Regardless of what role you are in or what pressure you feel from your boss to act like him or her, don’t be a follower.

Instead, LEAD—be the example! Leaders that treat people with kindness and respect, offer guidance and support to ensure team members’ individual success, and create a culture of appreciation and trust in their workplace create an environment in which people can excel and deliver outstanding results (instead of spending their time complaining about their boss and fantasizing about their next job).

Embrace these three approaches at work, and you’ll find that your team will begin to produce more long-lasting and effective results, and their performance will be consistently outstanding. It takes practice and discipline to shed “boss from hell” tendencies and become the “leader from heaven” every employee wishes for—but it’s well worth the effort!

– Gina Folk is the author of People Leadership: 30 Strategies to Ensure Your Team’s Success (CLICK HERE to get your copy). She has more than twenty years of experience helping organizations and individuals to achieve outstanding performance results. Folk holds an MBA from Belmont University and a BS in psychology and business from Vanderbilt University. She is a certified Lean Six Sigma Black Belt. To connect with Gina, visit Peopleleadership.com, or find her on Facebook and LinkedIn.

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