Monkey See… The Fourth Leadership Principle: Set the Example
Do you have kids? Want some? (Kidding – mine are great and you can’t have them and no, I’m not implying your kids or mine look like this post’s picture…). I ask this first question to kick off our discussion of the fourth Leadership Principle: Set the Example. Anyone who has kids or has spent any time around them knows this principle can be an exceedingly powerful and/or embarrassing one.
Kids are incredible mimics and they are very adept at self-preservation. Let’s explore.
As far as being mimics, if you do it, they do it (monkey see, monkey do, right?). If you take out the trash, fold laundry, clean up after yourself, etc. you’ll find them doing the same (or at least not complaining when you ask them to perform those thrilling tasks). They’ll also imitate the bad behaviors. Pick your nose. Kick the dog. Drink too much. Drive like a maniac. How do you think they’ll behave in their teenage years? Yeahhhh…
Fortunately for them no matter how badly you behave, you’re not allowed to get mad at them or discipline them when they behave that way. Why? Because “well you do it” is an incredibly powerful defense. How do you as a parent have a whit of moral authority in such a situation? Short answer – you don’t.
No, you haven’t been transported to a child rearing blog. This dynamic applies in business more than you might appreciate.
I want you to reflect for about 30 seconds on the last time you saw a leader in your organization fail to set the example. They either pulled the “do as I say, not as I do” number or they did something less than leader-like when they thought no one was watching. How did you feel about them at that moment? I’m sure the words “frustrated” and “disappointed” probably jump to mind.
Here’s the more difficult question – when have YOU been that leader? The one who tells their team to do something they wouldn’t do themselves? It hurts to look at these things, doesn’t it? I’ve been as guilty of this as the next manager at times. The most important thing in those situations is realizing you’re in the wrong and rectifying it immediately.
I’m not going to belabor this post with a ton of examples. If you don’t know what the example is that you need to set, there are deeper issues you need to wrestle with. Your people will definitely follow the monkey see, monkey do model. Be a good monkey. Act the way you want them to act. It preserves your moral authority as a leader. It’s much easier to correct bad behaviors on your team when you’re modeling the good behaviors. More importantly, bad behaviors become quite rare when there’s a great example for your team to follow (sort of what happens when soldiers see their leader turning a wrench).
I’d love to hear your stories about times when you saw leaders either nail this principle or need to be hammered by it. What has your experience been with leaders setting/not setting the example?
– Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLEADERS, LLC
Photo: Chimpanzee thinking by Nils Rinaldi
Leading by example has always served me well. As you described, I learned this a long time ago, when I worked in a startup. The founder who recruited me to work led by doing. He hired a great team, but was always there to pitch in. It didn’t matter if it was writing copy for the website, brainstorming ideas, coordinating travel and events, or cleaning up after meetings. Like your story, he gained the respect and admiration of every employee in the company and inspired many. I continually ask myself when assigning work to my team “Do I have time to do this?” or I tell myself, ” I can help do this?” Every time I help my team with difficult tasks I can tell they respect me, and will go to great lengths to support my initiatives no matter how difficult.
Now, I need to go work out and set a good example for my kids.
Thanks for the story and the thought behind it.
– Dan Harris
@Dan – thanks for the perspective. It’s reassuring to hear stories about folks who “get it.” And thanks for the guilt trip you sent me on for me not working out… ;)
For me, it has always been easy to “Do the right thing” when I’m in a leadership position. I remember road marches being much easier as a PL, running up and down the line keeping ereyone moticvated. It is easy when you know they are looking at you. It is the rest of the time, when you are just a “Joe” that it gets easy to slack.
It is also when things get routine, when you get bored, that it is aeasy to drop it. The thing you need to do is to somehow remind yourself that just because nothing is going wrong doesn’t mean that you can let up on the mundane tasks. As you and I both know from the Army, the dealy slope is: it gets boring, you slack, you get hit, you get dead. Or at least you need to get your miles gear rekeyed.
Same thing in software development. Everything needs to be peer reviewed. Everything needs a unit test. Before checkins, you need to run the regression tests. You miss these things, you break the build and slow things down for everyone.
@admiyo – thanks for chiming in. I cracked up over the “MILES gear rekeyed” comment. Brought back tons of memories (for those of you who have no idea what we’re talking about, MILES gear is laser tag for the Army. When you get shot, you have to get rekeyed to get brought back to life). You make a great point that there’s no slacking in a leadership role. On top of that, it is energizing to lead when you’re doing it right. Thanks for sharing!
Leading by example is absolutely the most effective way to gain cooperation from others. I would never ask someone to do something that I was not willing (if able) to do myself.
When individuals attempt to lead by barking orders or intimidation, people don’t become inspired and cooperative, they become angry and resentful. Since you’re only as strong as your weakest person, it makes sense to treat people well, and lead by example.
But, about the nose picking comment: I do NOT pick my nose, but my son picks his constantly. In conclusion, *some* things kids do are not picked up (pun intended) by their parents. :-)
@jenny mccutcheon – thanks for the thoughts. You bring in a great point about the Golden Rule. Respect begets respect. On the nose picking, I have a solution – blame your husband!