One Question That Keeps You Out of Trouble
You folks know I love asking questions. From this post on going from having answers to asking questions to my quote “Asking the right question about the future is more powerful than having the right answer about the past” I have found questions to be a more powerful leadership tool than many others that are out there. Heck, when you eventually get to read my book One Piece of Paper you’ll find it’s full of questions designed to help you become a better leader.
Out of all the questions I know of, the shortest one of all is a great way to stay out of trouble as a leader. I’m talking about the kind of trouble that earns you a reputation as a jackass, an insensitive lout, or someone too obtuse to care about people.
“Why?”
We’re generally smart people (that’s why they put us in leadership roles). Smartitude can get problematic though when you assess situations too quickly, draw conclusions, then act on them without taking a moment to stop. Think. Get grounded.
Allow me to demonstrate how I could have avoided looking like a complete idiot if only I had asked “why?” instead to being a “decisive leader.”
When I was a sophomore at West Point, I had a bit of a reputation of being a haze. I used to pounce upon hapless plebes (freshmen) whenever they made the slightest mistake. Some of it was simply good, clean fun and sport. There isn’t a lot to do for entertainment at West Point in the dead of winter.
Anyway, one day a plebe walked by me at a pretty slow pace. This was a problem because plebes were supposed to “move with a purpose” which meant at least 120 steps per minute. In the real world this meant any plebe doing less than 180 steps per minute was slacking and was in need of hazing.
As Cadet McSlowwalker sauntered by, I jacked him up. “Hey mister! Don’t you know you’re supposed to be moving out a lot faster than that? You completely lack military bearing and are a disgrace to your squad leader!” I ranted for about 2-3 minutes about how much of a lowlife McSlowwalker was because of his lack of urgency.
I prepared to launch into part two of my tirade when a junior walked by and heard me hazing the plebe. He stopped me and asked “hey, can I ask this guy something?” I gleefully nodded in assent thinking this junior was about to turn on the high flames and utterly destroy McSlowwalker.
He asked “Hey McSlowwalker, WHY are you moving so slow?”
“I just had knee surgery on Monday sir and I’m not allowed to walk fast or I’ll tear my stitches.” The junior told McSlowwalker to get out of there and go take a nap to rest his knee. He then turned his attention to me.
“Dude, you just made an ass of yourself. Before you jump to a conclusion, understand the situation. Asking ‘why?’ takes about 5 seconds. Don’t screw it up again.” Having imparted his leadership wisdom, he went on his way.
How often do you jump to conclusions about what’s going on? How often do you take action based on those conclusions? How often do you think perhaps maybe possibly you’re wrong and you’re taking action based on incorrect assumptions? How much better of a leader could you be if you simply asked “Why?” before making your decision?
I’m not saying you won’t make hard decisions or mete out justice occasionally. Had McSlowwalker replied “I’m walking slow because it’s stupid to walk fast.” he would have been a smoldering charcoal briquette on the ground when both the junior and I got done hazing him. That said, it would have been a “just” reaction because we actually had correct facts.
Try it. The next time you’re about to make a decision based on assumptions and conclusions, ask the other person in the conversation “Why?” before you act. You might be surprised to find out you’re wrong. And it’s better to find out you’re wrong than to act on wrong information and be hated for it.
Oh, and if you’re asking “Why does this post have a photo of a chimp in a Spider-Man costume lifting weights?” the answer is “because I thought it was funny and not everything in life will have a good answer so when you ask ‘why?’ you have to expect the unexpected.”
– Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLEADERS, LLC
– Get your copy of my upcoming book One Piece of Paper – CLICK HERE
Its called effective communication. Despite the fact that we are a species that relies so heavily on communication, we sure do suck at it. It is a major major major hiccup in corporate culture. Its amazing how often the above happens (your example). In a lot of corporate cultures, there isn't anyone there to tell the person in the wrong that they just made themselves look like an ass. People are too scared to do it. its really sad.
It's not just corporate culture that has this mentality…I'm pretty sure it's everywhere. I've jumped to conclusions too many times, and in education, that's a no-no; especially when dealing with students. I think my profession is getting better though…before we jump to conclusions (like why is one school outperforming another) we take a step back and study data now. It has been a wild ride with NCLB, and the RUSH and UGENCY of jumping to conclusions to be sure.
Thanks for the post.
http://msjessicareeves.edublogs.org
@April – but there IS someone there to tell the wrong person they're an ass – YOU can tell them. I'm not advocating career limiting moves and I highly advise having a conversation like that discreetly but if you see it, you kind of own it. The more leaders who step up to a challenge like that, hopefully the less stupidity we'll see in the office.
@Jessica – thanks for the thoughts. Yep, this stuff happens EVERYWHERE unfortunately. Help put an end to it and when you see it, correct it.
You make a great point.
I too have dug my own grave in the past. I’ve said things from a position of ‘leadership’ and ‘rank’ that have made me look like a complete idiot with no cerebral activity other than to wade in first and maybe – just maybe, ask questions later.
Your post reminded me of one particular time that I saw someone ‘plebe’ sauntering around the barracks in civilian clothes wearing a bandana. At this particular training establishment – soldiers were instructed that they must look the part of a professional soldier when in and out of uniform.
When I saw this guy ‘obviously’ disregarding the rules my temperature shot up and I targeted him for a roasting.
Our exchange went something like this:
“Hey YOU! Get over here!” I screamed.
“Yes Sir?” he said, now standing in front of me.
“Tell me boy. Since when did you decide the leave the Military and join the &@*%$@* Back Street Boys?”
“Are you referring to my head-wear Sir?” he said, calmly.
“What do you &@*%$@* think I’m referring to??” I replied, now getting more worked up at his obvious nonchalance.
“I’m part-way through my chemotherapy Sir”.
I learned a lot that day. Mostly, to keep my mouth shut until I had most of the facts straight.
Best wishes,
Keith
Thanks for sharing Keith. Sorry you had that cringeworthy moment but I’m sure it has helped you avoid many similar ones since then. Thanks for reading!