11 Proven Ways to Build Rapport in Your Negotiations

If you want better outcomes in your negotiations, you’ll want to master the skill of rapport-building. Here are 11 simple tips on how to do it.

Today’s guest post is by Cindy Watson, author of The Art of Feminine Negotiation: How to Get What You Want from the Boardroom to the Bedroom (CLICK HERE to get your copy).

If you want better outcomes in your negotiations, you’ll want to master the skill of rapport-building. Rapport is all about relationships: finding ways to make (rather than break) connections and build (rather than tear down) bridges. Building rapport diffuses potential tension as it creates a perceived shared frame of reference.

Rapport-building can be instantaneous, or it can take time to develop. It can grow naturally, or you can build it with intention. Some people seem to connect with others instantly. If you’re not one of those people, don’t panic. Contrary to popular belief, rapport-building isn’t an elusive gift you’re either born with or destined to do without.

There are many ways to build rapport in a negotiation. Here are 11 simple tips on how to do it.

1. Be Yourself.

Being authentic will always be more effective than trying to adopt a persona that’s unnatural for you. A lack of authenticity undermines rapport; the other party will sense it, and this will erode trust.

As you practice the skills that build rapport (including those set out here), err on the side of being yourself. Don’t get stuck in your head or overthink how you’re going about it. If you do, you’ll lose your natural charisma in the process.

2. Make a Good First Impression.

Study after study have shown that first impressions matter. We all have a visceral reaction to other people within seconds of meeting them. Invite a favorable reaction by getting yourself into a positive state of mind before you start the negotiation. Show up with an inviting posture, a genuine smile, and warmth in your eyes.

3. Find Common Ground.

While you don’t want to jump straight to business, I’m not a fan of the often-cited advice, “Use small talk to create rapport.” Instead, try to find a common interest or connection. Find your shared humanity. That’s a much better place to start.

4. Get Curious.

Most people like to talk about themselves. Researchers have found that people spend 60% of their conversations in “me mode.” When chatting on social media, this figure jumps to 80%.

Why not use these stats to your advantage? Show genuine interest in others. Discover what brings them joy. What are they passionate about? Get curious. Ask open questions. Stay genuinely engaged. Ask some variation of “tell me about yourself.” In doing so, you’ll build connection and rapport.

5. Give a Compliment.

Find something you appreciate about the other person, and then acknowledge it. A genuine compliment can go a long way to kick-start rapport.

6. Use the Person’s Name.

We all like to be seen. Make a point of calling the other person by name early in the conversation. It creates an immediate connection and familiarity.

A word to the wise: Be sure you have the person’s correct name. Nothing breaks rapport like mispronouncing someone’s name or, worse, calling them by the wrong name.

7. Be Candid.

If you want to build rapport and trust, always be the person who tells the truth. Admit when you don’t know the answer to something. Acknowledge mistakes.

We often mistakenly believe these types of admissions will undermine our credibility when, in fact, the opposite is true. It humanizes us and makes us more relatable and trustworthy. Being honest builds rapport.

8. Create Shared Experiences.

Spending time together and creating shared experiences outside the negotiation process can turbocharge the connection process. This doesn’t mean you have to set up a high ropes challenge or whitewater rafting adventure (both popular in today’s team-building culture). Simply pick an activity with the potential to create a meaningful connection.

9. Mirror and Match.

When it’s appropriate, try to mirror and match the other person’s posture and language. But be careful and discreet about it. Otherwise, your actions will be jarring and break rapport.

A good starting place is to note the other party’s speech patterns, tone, tempo, and volume. Try to match these elements to increase the opportunity for connection.

10. Gradually Increase Intimacy.

The more you create a personal connection, where the other party feels they know you and gets comfortable sharing with you, the more likely you’ll build the bond necessary for superior negotiated outcomes.

Gradually increasing intimacy by strategically sharing personal information can be powerful. Don’t, however, prematurely overshare and dump inappropriate private information.

11. Inject Humor.

Humor is the ultimate cure-all and connection-builder. Laughter releases feel-good chemicals (endorphins) in our body, which open the way for better bonding.

Practice Makes Perfect

Get comfortable with these approaches so they become natural, and you’ll slip into rapport-building mode authentically.

For women who worry about their negotiation prowess, it’s worth noting that building rapport is typically regarded as a “feminine” trait. This isn’t surprising, as women were required to develop this skill in a world where, for too long, they enjoyed so few rights. Survival depended on becoming adept at developing relationships.

If you lose rapport at any point in a negotiation, don’t ignore the elephant in the room. Be humble. Address why you lost it. Take ownership where appropriate. Apologize if necessary. Get curious and determine how to get back on track.

By building better relationships, you’ll enjoy better negotiated outcomes.

Cindy Watson is the founder of Women on Purpose, a TEDx international speaker, and the award-winning author of the Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller The Art of Feminine Negotiation: How to Get What You Want from the Boardroom to the Bedroom. Learn more at ArtOfFeminineNegotiation.com.

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