• Contact
  • My Account
  • Log In
  • 0Shopping Cart
thoughtLEADERS, LLC: Leadership Training for the Real World
  • About
  • Services
  • eLearning
  • Team
  • Blog
  • Clients
  • Books
  • Contact
  • Menu Menu

Build your skills! Take our eLearning courses on TITAN!

World-class eLearning courses with videos, exercises, downloads, and a certificate of completion. Get started today!

Structured Thought: Problem Solving
Structured Thought and Communication
Strategic Business Planning
Principles of Chart Design eLearning Course
Engagement Management
Deliberate Decision Making
Breakthrough Innovation
Everything is Negotiable
Leading through Change
Storytelling for Leaders
Storytelling for Salespeople
Building Leadership Resilience
Compelling Executive Presence
Coaching for Impact
Building Personal Resilience
Building Personal Resilience
Wide Banner SPS
Wide Banner STC
Wide Banner SBP
Wide Banner PCD
Wide Banner ENM
Wide Banner DDM
Wide Banner BTI
Wide Banner EIN
Wide Banner LTC
Wide Banner SFL
Wide Banner SFS
Wide Banner BLR
Wide Banner CEP
Wide Banner CFI
Wide Banner BPR
Wide Banner TMM
previous arrow
next arrow

Why it’s Important to Deliver Tough Feedback

May 14, 2013/1 Comment/in Books, Career, Communications, Leadership /by Mike Figliuolo

Feedback Checklist HorribleToday’s post focuses on the importance of providing clear and direct feedback to members of your team. It’s an excerpt from One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership (you can get your copy here).

Taking risks on people is important but leadership requires more than that. The other side of the development equation is feedback. If you are committing to a team member’s growth you first have to give them the opportunity and then ensure that they do, in fact, grow. The only way they will learn and develop in those roles is with coaching and feedback.

Giving feedback can be challenging. Many times we nail the easy feedback when we say things like “great job on beating your goal by 37%!” That is not a particularly hard message to deliver. Such feedback is not remotely useful either. There is no action being requested of the recipient. Your job as the leader is to provide an observation on the recipient’s actions and give them ideas on what they might do better or differently going forward. That is easy to do in a goal-beating situation but what about more difficult conversations? Many of us avoid having them because they are uncomfortable, but when you ignore the problem it festers until those conversations turn into the “very difficult conversations,” then “extremely difficult conversations,” and eventually the “here’s your severance check and pink slip” conversations. I know my gut instinct is to avoid these discussions at first but I also know it is my responsibility to have that feedback conversation as soon as possible. I have adopted a maxim designed to hold me accountable for doing exactly that. My maxim is “It’s easier to correct course 100 yards into the journey than 100 miles into it.”

The maxim sounds good when you first hear it and it makes sense on its face but that is not enough. A maxim must cause a visceral emotional reaction inside of you for it to be effective. My story behind this maxim is about a time I mismanaged a member of my team. Let’s call him Bob. He was a well-intentioned and seemingly hard-working guy. Over time, I began to hear feedback from members of his team that he could be rude, abrupt, and demeaning. I would tell the person providing the feedback “thank you for sharing that with me.” And then I did nothing about it. I had a good relationship with Bob and I rationalized away the complaints. I avoided a mildly uncomfortable conversation.

A few months later Bob did some analysis for me and the results seemed a bit odd. His numbers did not jive with what I thought was going on in his organization. He explained away some of the variances and errors. The explanations he gave sounded like good reasons on their face but after some careful thought, those reasons did not make sense. I let it go and rationalized it was not a big deal because in the grand scheme of things Bob was doing an okay job. I was avoiding a difficult conversation.

Several weeks later I stopped by Bob’s office to ask him about another nonsensical set of numbers he had submitted. As I approached his office I heard him yelling at one of his subordinates. It was unavoidable to hear him berating this person. The tone and words he used during the screaming bout were harsh and unprofessional. I walked away from his office and told myself I would discuss the incident with him once he calmed down. I never brought it up in our next conversation because it did not seem like the “right time” to do so. I was ducking an extremely uncomfortable conversation.

The next month Bob came to me and told me he had a great opportunity at a new company and he was going to take the job. My first reaction was “Oh no! I’m losing a key member of the team and it will be hard to fill his role and get all his work done while I look for a replacement.” My next reaction was “Whew! He’s leaving which means I don’t have to have that awkward year-end review conversation with him.” He took the new job and everyone was happy. But not really. Upon reflection I was quite disappointed in my spinelessness during those months. I avoided a simple conversation where I could have established a performance standard. I ducked increasingly difficult discussions and I subjected members of his team to mistreatment. Ultimately my avoidance of the issue put the business at risk. From a personal standpoint, I damaged my reputation and efficacy as a leader. If his team members could not trust me to stand up for them after they came to me with complaints, who could they trust? My behavior created morale issues and sent the wrong message to my people.

On my way home a few evenings later, I called a good friend of mine to have a chat. I told him about Bob taking the new role and told him how disappointed I was in my failure to fix the situation much earlier in the year. My friend listened attentively to the story and when I finished he said “Remember, it’s easier to correct course 100 yards into the journey than 100 miles into it.” It was the swift smack upside the head I needed. His words stuck with me and I adopted them as a maxim I still use to this day. Since that conversation there have been multiple occasions where I have had to deliver some uncomfortable messages. When that nagging avoidance instinct crops up, I remember this maxim and deliver the required feedback in a direct, constructive, and timely manner. I have not had a single “extremely difficult” conversation since I adopted this maxim. The emotional nature of the maxim and the reaction it causes within me spur me to action. The actions I then take are the behavior changes required to make the maxim effective. The positive results of those actions reinforce my use of the maxim and the virtuous circle grows.

You should regularly be looking for opportunities to challenge people on your team by putting them in situations where they can learn and grow. Providing feedback and coaching is an integral part of helping with that growth. You should also always look for opportunities to give feedback, regardless of whether or not it is around taking on new challenges. I do not think I need to expound upon the importance of these points. What I do need to emphasize is to the importance of doing these things on a consistent basis and not letting them fall by the wayside because they are hard. The tornado of daily operations commands your attention. Without a maxim to remind you to fulfill these other leadership responsibilities, you run the risk of not doing these things at all. When that happens, you suffer, your team suffers, and your organization suffers.

One Piece of Paper– Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLEADERS, LLC

– If you want to create your own set of reminders to give tough feedback and have difficult conversations, grab a copy of my book One Piece of Paper: The Simple Approach to Powerful, Personal Leadership or download the audiobook version at Audible.com. It will help you remember your role as a leader requires you to deliver those tough messages sometimes.

https://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/logo.png 0 0 Mike Figliuolo https://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/logo.png Mike Figliuolo2013-05-14 17:02:122013-11-12 07:10:20Why it’s Important to Deliver Tough Feedback
1 reply
  1. Laurie Ann Murabito
    Laurie Ann Murabito says:
    May 18, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Feedback is so key to anyone’s personal and professional life, without it there would be no growth. However, learning how to give feedback in a manner that inspires the recipient to change is a skill. I recommend to my executive clients to set up the conversation in the beginning. “There’s something we need to discuss and I know you, so if you would do me the favor of listening to what I have to say with an open mind. Would you do that for me?” That’s one way.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get free blog posts by email NOW!

It’s the best 5 minutes a week you can spend on your development.

Subscribe HERE!


All Contacts

Get new posts FREE via RSS!
Follow thoughtLEADERS on LinkedInFollow thoughtLEADERS on twitter
This site contains affiliate links to products. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links.
 

Check Out Our Courses

Our courses teach immediately applicable skills that have real impact on your business. From leadership to strategy and negotiation to conflict resolution, we have a broad set of course offerings that will drive immediate performance improvements.
OUR COURSES

Our Courses

Group of Business People Meeting
Puzzle Pieces
Glasses Looking Over Cityscape
Doors on a Wall
Cog Wheels
Man Reading Book
Fishing hook in the sea
Microphone in Lecture Hall
Charts on Blue Background
Wristwatch
Exploding Light Bulb
Man on Summit of Mountain
Lightning Bolts
Man Painting the Word Change on a Wall
Construction Cranes
Plant Growing in a Hand
High Performance Gears
Men Shaking Hands Closeup
Influence Definition
Sailboat at Sunset
Hanging light bulbs with glowing one isolated on dark blue background
Wagon Wheel
Executive Communications
Structured Problem Solving
Creating Leadership Maxims
Leading inside the Box
Deliberate Decision Making
Simple Strategic Planning
Storytelling for Leaders
Storytelling for Sales
Executive Presence
Principles of Chart Design
Time Management Mastery
Breakthrough Innovation
Leadership Resilience
Conflict Resolution
Leading through Change
Project Management Reality
Coaching for Impact
High Performing Teams
Everything is Negotiable
Leading with Influence
Building Personal Resilience
thoughtLEADERSHIP
Engagement Management
previous arrow
next arrow
 

eLearning Courses on TITAN

Structured Thought: Problem Solving
Puzzle Pieces
Structured Thought: Problem Solving

Clearly define a problem, scope all issues related to the problem, generate potential solutions, then analyze and select the best solution by using time-tested critical thinking methods and tools.

VIEW COURSE
Structured Thought and Communication
Group of Business People Meeting
Structured Thought and Communication

Craft clear and compelling recommendations that resonate with stakeholders. Get your ideas approved by using a proven method for delivering executive-level communications.

VIEW COURSE
Principles of Chart Design
Different Types of Line and Bar Charts
Principles of Chart Design

Create well-designed presentation charts that get your message across quickly and clearly to drive your audience to action. From data charts to concept charts, these methods help make your point.

VIEW COURSE
Engagement Management
Wagon Wheel
Engagement Management

Whether you’re an internal or external consultant or a project leader, learn proven methods, techniques, and processes to effectively lead consulting engagements that drive your client’s success.

VIEW COURSE
Strategic Business Planning
Cog Wheels
Strategic Business Planning

Use a straightforward and effective strategic planning process that shows how to craft a clear, compelling plan for your organization - not just one time, but on an ongoing basis year after year.

VIEW COURSE
Deliberate Decision Making
Deliberate Decision Making
Deliberate Decision Making

Make better, faster, and more effective decisions. Apply simple yet powerful decision making tools to define decision authority, manage risk, increase accountability, and drive execution.

VIEW COURSE
Everything is Negotiable
Men Shaking Hands
Everything is Negotiable

Become a better negotiator in all situations – from day to day interactions to hammering out large deals. Build the skills required to get what you want and strengthen relationships while you do.

VIEW COURSE
Breakthrough Innovation
Exploding Lightbulb
Breakthrough Innovation

Generate and select unique strategies that separate you from the competition. Construct bold and disruptive solutions then build and execute a plan for taking those strategies to market.

VIEW COURSE
Storytelling for Leaders
Man reading stories from a book
Storytelling for Leaders

Create business stories that inspire people, build connections with your audience, and ultimately advance your organization's goals by using a repeatable, straightforward method.

VIEW COURSE
Storytelling for Salespeople
Storytelling for Salespeople
Storytelling for Salespeople

Create and deliver stories that will take your sales efforts to the next level. Connect with and convince buyers in all situations using memorable stories. These stronger relationships drive more sales.

VIEW COURSE
Leading through Change
Leading through Change
Leading through Change

Lead your organization through the most challenging times using a proven change management process. Get people through the change and back to driving performance quickly and effectively.

VIEW COURSE
Building Leadership Resilience
Mountain Climbing Expedition
Building Leadership Resilience

Prepare your body and brain to be ready for and recover from your biggest challenges. Build approaches for overcoming stress, managing reactions to difficult events, and leading more effectively.

VIEW COURSE
Compelling Executive Presence
Compelling Executive Presence
Compelling Executive Presence

Build your ability to connect with your audience and convey your ideas in a clear and resonant way. Create meaningful connections between you and your audience to build buy-in.

VIEW COURSE
Coaching for Impact
Plant Growing in a Hand
Coaching for Impact: Foundation Course

Coach employees for performance and development more effectively by helping them identify and pursue their own solutions. Create the right environment and conditions to help them grow.

VIEW COURSE
Building Personal Resilience
Boat at Sunset
Building Personal Resilience

Build the habits and learn the behaviors required to manage stress, deal with adversity, and maintain your physical and mental wellbeing. Personal resilience is a key to your ongoing success.

VIEW COURSE
Time Management Mastery
Watches
Time Management Mastery

Learn techniques to manage your time, delegate, say “no,” and be more efficient. Balance your limited supply of time with the overwhelming demands that are placed on you every day.

VIEW COURSE
previous arrow
next arrow

Books You MUST Read

The Elegant Pitch
One Piece of Paper by Mike Figliuolo
Lead Inside the Box
10 Stories Great Leaders Tell
Getting Ahead
Sell with a Story
Lead with a Story
Mastering Communication at Work
The Hook
Innovative Leadership Fieldbook
Innovative Leaders Guide to Transforming Organizations
The Three Commitments of Leadership
The Littlest Green Beret
Storytelling in the Land of Oz
The Camino Way
The Leader with a Thousand Faces
The Vision Code
The Most Unlikely Leader
The Leader with a Thousand Faces
The Art of Feminine Negotiation
Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior
Why Not Win?
Work-Life Bloom
Fast-Starting a Career of Consequence
Fast-Starting a Career of Consequence
The Elegant Pitch
One Piece of Paper by Mike Figliuolo
Lead Inside the Box
10 Stories Great Leaders Tell
Getting Ahead
Sell with a Story - Border
Lead with a Story
Leading from Your Best Self
Mastering Communication at Work
The Hook
Innovative Leadership Fieldbook
Innovative Leaders Guide to Transforming Organizations
20120318 Three Commitments
Leadership Vertigo
The Littlest Green Beret
Storytelling in the Land of Oz
The Camino Way
Hijacked by Your Brain
Outthink the Competition
Driving Innovation from Within
The Voice of the Underdog
The Vision Code
The Most Unlikely Leader
The Leader with a Thousand Faces
The Art of Feminine Negotiation
Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior
Why Not Win?
Work-Life Bloom
Fast-Starting a Career of Consequence
The Decision Switch
previous arrow
next arrow
  • The Elegant Pitch
  • The Vision Code
  • The Most Unlikely Leader
  • The Leader with a Thousand Faces
  • The Voice of the Underdog
  • The Art of Feminine Negotiation
  • Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior
  • Why Not Win?
  • Work-Life Bloom
  • Fast-Starting a Career of Consequence
  • The Decision Switch

Categories

This site contains affiliate links to products. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links.

Our Course Offerings

Leadership Skills

Creating Your Leadership Maxims
Leading Inside the Box
Leading With Influence
Leading Through Change
Structured Problem Solving
Deliberate Decision Making
High Performing Teams
Simplified Strategic Planning
Strategic Business Planning
Coaching for Impact: Foundations
Coaching for Impact: Applications
Building Leadership Resilience
Engagement Management
Project Management Reality

Communication Skills

Communications: Foundations
Communications: Applications
Principles of Chart Design
Strategic Client Engagement
Storytelling for Leaders
Storytelling for Salespeople
Compelling Executive Presence
Advanced Facilitation Skills

Individual Skills

Conflict Resolution
Everything is Negotiable
thoughtLEADERSHIP: Innovation
Building Personal Resilience
Time Management Mastery

Coaching & Consulting

©2023 thoughtLEADERS, LLC: Leadership Training for the Real World. thoughtLEADERS, LLC is a registered trademark of thoughtLEADERS, LLC.
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Cookie Policy
5 Steps for Turning Your Organization into a Thought Factory The Art and Process of Leading Transformational Change
Scroll to top