Do You Sound Like a Hypereducated Idiot Who Swallowed a Thesaurus?
It’s unreal how buzzwords and bullcrap have completely permeated our language and our businesses. It’s almost unconscionable how we simply tolerate it rather than pushing hard to get back to simplicity.
I was reading an industry magazine this morning and came across a quote in one of those little quote boxes. I decided to read it (after all, they set it aside in a quote box *and* put the guy’s head shot in the box too therefore he must be superbrilliant to rank a head shot and a quote). First I had to see whose brilliance I was about to have the pleasure of reading. The guy is an EVP of Global Strategy for a very reputable firm. I got all tingly. This was gonna be some life-changing stuff. I was sure of it. Then I read this:
“To successfully address senior management’s concerns, human resources leadership needs to embrace its strategic role as an executive partner, and define and execute a holistic human capital management strategy that builds a superior corporate culture based on performance and accountability.”
My head exploded. It was like the guy had been force-fed Roget’s and the last twelve years of Harvard Business Review. I was completely dumbfounded – not because of the brilliance of his insight but because of the complete load of crap that had been spewed onto that page killing hundreds of trees (Oh! The humanity!). I wish Kanye had been at that interview: “Imma let you finish but… Mike can say that in about 50% fewer words.”
So here’s my take on what the guy was really trying to say:
“HR needs to work directly with the C-suite to create an HR strategy that ensures our people can consistently execute the things we ask them to do.”
Is it perfect? No. Is there 80% less crap in there? I’m pretty sure it’s “yes.”
I’ve said this before when I wrote about executive presence failures you might be exhibiting (among other things): buzzwords sound dumb (read the full rant here). When you string together a streak of buzzwords, you sound like you’re overcompensating for something and simply can’t afford a Ferrari so you use “synergize to leverage” instead.
Speak plainly people. It’s more efficient. There’s less confusion. You’ll sound confident.
Look at those last four sentences. Three words each. They convey powerful and simple points. Dare I say that last paragraph approaches elegance. When you speak like you swallowed a thesaurus, people start thinking you don’t know what you’re talking about and you’re simply blathering on to cover up your lack of real knowledge. If not that, then they think you’re a pompous ass who’s showing off how much better than them you are because you’re bustin’ some polysyllabic moves.
Stop. Now. Eliminate it from your vocabulary. If you hear others doing it, stop them too. The easiest way to do so (because they might be more senior than you are and you don’t want to make any career limiting moves) is to simply play dumb: “Can you break that down for me? I’m not sure I understood what you’re getting at. Can you simplify it a little so I can make sure I understand?” If you do this carefully and at targeted times you can help change their buzzwordy behavior.
If that doesn’t work, bust out the handy dandy Buzzword Bingo card I’ve made for this post (the image up top) and use it in your next meeting. Once they’ve hit that magical streak of five bullcrap buzzwords that give you a row, shout “BINGO!” at the top of your lungs and leave the meeting.
Am I the only one out here who’s sick of the bluster and bullcrap? How do you handle it when it starts piling up around you?
No bull, and well-written as usual.
Agreed that the original article has too many buzzwords, but I thin the real problem is that, while it seems what he is saying is straightforward, there are subtleties that gewt lost in the buzzwords. I think the proof is that they did not get translated over to you shorter version.
The key word here is 'holistic', which to me means that he has seen certain important aspects missed in the hiring process. My guess is that he should start with those, as opposed to the market speak. SO, here is my take at enshortening it:
A good human resources plays a key role in the long term success of an organization. As the primary advisor to the executive team regarding the people, culture, and morale of the organization, it has to incorporate its standard requirements overseeing hiring and performance review as part of a larger effort to build the internal values of the organization. The values will be set by the leadership, but HR has to play the roles of counselor and interpreter. As counselor, HR guides the senior leadership based on the realities of the present day organization and the external forces that affect hiring and retention. As interpreter, it applies the abstract values of the executive team to the daily aspects of running a business.
Hmmm. maybe there was something in his market speak version after all. Much more concise than my version.
Now, looking again at your version, I'd say that you are close, but the line "consistently execute the things we ask them to do" is too simplistic. THt is the part that jars with 'holistic'. Maybe it just needs something like:
"HR needs to work directly with the C-suite to create an HR strategy that ensures our people can consistently execute the things we ask them to do,encourages them to hang around, and gets good people into the organization."
Good, thought provoking article.
traditionally managed the employee review process, it often misses important
@Adam – great adds in your non-consultospeak version. I like how you transformed the bullcrap "holistic" into real terms that make sense. Well thought out.
Here's to succinct writing (and may the Bingo card idea spread like wildfire).
Huzzah, Mike!
YES!!! BTW, have you read "Why Business People Speak Like Idiots"? Great book…talks about this exact kind of bullsh*t.
YES!!! BTW, have you read "Why Business People Speak Like Idiots"? Great book…talks about this exact kind of bullsh*t.
I remember my second professor in business classes. He said… a lot of professors are going to tell you how to write, how to speak, and lay on a bunch of jargon but I beg you, ignore them and speak like a human.
Paraphrased of course but this article made me really think of him. Nice article.
Good piece-way too much 'pseudo smart' out there. Particularly in business. That said, I think "thoughtleader" is a little pretentious and vague as well. What they hell does that really mean? Leading thoughts? Leading my thoughts? Tough to get around it just sounding silly-even when it comes out of the mouths of folks from BCG and McKinsey. Just 'cause smart people say it doesn't mean it makes sense!
One of the many things I love about working at an educational institution is all the Ph.D.s who write and speak like they are being paid by the letter. Simplifying things just isn't on the agenda. At times I feel like I need to be an amateur etymologist to understand what the heck people are telling me.
We are totally playing bingo in our next meeting. We've been ranting about the condescension this pomposity includes for a while…
Great comments all. @Ian – very fair question to ask and I would be terrible if I didn't have an answer (which fortunately I do). The term "thought leader" was coined by Joel Kurtzman of HBR and Strategy + Business. It meant "one who contributes new ideas to business." We looked at his definition when naming our firm and we believe that definition doesn't go far enough. While it's great to have ideas, you actually have to do something with them. Our definition of a thoughtLEADER is "someone who drives business results by agitating for and leading change." Here's the breakdown:
Results – if nothing happens and metrics don't improve, you're wasting your time.
Agitating – change is painful. A thoughtLEADER is willing to smack the organization upside the head and wake it up from it's stupor.
Leading – taking the position at the front of the proposed changes and getting everyone else to follow you to the new, better place.
As far as our odd capitalization, italics, and bolding – that's deliberate too.
Lowercase and italicized "thought" – being understated, reserved, and generally thoughtful. Italics connotes leaning forward in the thinking.
Uppercase and bold "LEADERS" – bold leadership. 'nuff said.
Hopefully that makes it less silly sounding and more thoughtful/deliberate/applicable in how we define and think about it. Thoughts? Great question to ask.
Great article. I once worked for a manager who I swore had that "learn a word per day" toilet paper, where there is a different word and dictionary definition on each square. Each week, he would start throwing out a new giant word and try to work it into each situation. "The software they are using for that task is antediluvian."
It's one thing to have a strong vocabulary, it's another to talk in jargon in an attempt to sound more important than you may be.
There are so many communication issues in corporate America today. Mission statements are garbled messes of BIG WORDS that leave the people to execute on that mission throughly confused.
What happened to simple mission statements like, "Truly understand the customer, make them feel important and we all win?"
When I see language like that in any for of business communication I believe at least one of the following things is true.
1. The writer is trying to appear better than someone else.
2. The writer is trying to glorify a simple task.
Great post on why people should speak and communicate like….well people.
Awesome. I would never have thunk Pareto’s Principle applied to B.S. too. I shouldda known better. Ha!
Silly moi.
… Have you guys ever read academic books or papers? They are just as “outlandish” but maybe in the end they are just the result of actual extensive knowledge. 🙂
Fair but they’ve gotta get their point across more clearly and concisely, no?
I also hate buzzwords and can spot ’em a mile away. It’s like copspeak, where a police PIO will talk to the press like a robot. Hate it! As a Fire Dept. PIO, I much prefer speaking to the media like a regular person.
I also do not like the office-ese jargon. First I’ll dive in, drill down and loop back around with you on this.