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Are You Slowly Destroying Your Network?

June 22, 2009/13 Comments/in Business Toolkit, Career, Communications, Social Media /by Mike Figliuolo

No Sign on LinkedIn LogoWeb 2.0. Social networking. LinkedInPlaxoTwitterbarf. Blogaroni and cheese. Some people would have you believe we’ve entered a new era of business where the rules have fundamentally changed. I’d submit that the rules are the same and the way we’re behaving is self-defeating.

One of the most valuable resources you have as a professional is your network. All the people you meet in your professional and personal life enter that interconnected web of relationships.

But your network is only worth what you put into maintaining it. And many of us are destroying that resource. All this interwebz garbage makes us lazy. It provides an easy out. It enables us to expand our reach beyond our ability to control or maintain meaningful relationships. Admission is the first step to remission – there are two behaviors you need to stop right now.

Stop Overextending

I heard someone the other day advocate an approach of “connect to EVERYONE possible on LinkedIn so more people can find you and have a relationship with you.” Um, ok.

My perspective: stoooopid. Why? Any online community is only as good as the relationships you build. Having 9,000,000 LinkedIn connections isn’t worth a damn if you can’t actually have a relationship. And yes, you can go ahead and check my LinkedIn profile and I have over 500 connections – the thing is I actually KNOW all those people and have met 95% of them face to face. The other 5% I’ve had meaningful conversations with via phone on several occasions.

Do the math – even if you only spend 10 minutes a day connecting with people in your network and each connection takes 5 minutes (a quick call, an email, a note) that’s only 700 or so people you can maintain a relationship with in a year. I think 5 minutes per person per year is well below an absolute minimum you need to invest to have a relationship with an individual.

Don’t connect for the sake of the numbers, just to connect, or on the prayer that someone in the 14,000,000 LinkedIn users out there will find you and pay you gobs of money. Connect for the sake of a relationship.

My suggestion here is to simply say “no.” If I haven’t personally met you, I’m not going to connect to you. If you’d like to buy me coffee and get to know one another, I’d love to do that and then yes, we can connect. But just because you found me on the interwebz and want to have an ephemeral linkage in cyberspace doesn’t mean it will actually be a valuable relationship for either of us.

I actually politely decline connection requests from folks I’ve never met. And I don’t request to connect to folks unless I’ve met them and see some mutual benefit from being connected. Stop overextending. You’re diluting the value of your network.

Stop Being Lazy

It’s too easy to tweetIMblogfacebookmessage someone. It’s lazy too. Sure there are some relationships that can be maintained that way (if the person happens to be a twitter addict for example). But many relationships need more than 140 characters or an emoticon to keep them fresh and relevant.

I’d like you to do an exercise – open your contact list and scroll through the names. Ask yourself when is the last time you actually SPOKE to the person. I’ll bet for many of your contacts you probably can’t remember the last time you heard their voice let alone saw their face. If that’s the case, you’re being lazy (oh that’s right – I *totally* went there!).

Pick up the phone. Schedule coffee or lunch. There is no substitute for true interpersonal interactions. Texting, tweeting, and IMing are fine for filling the void between those real interactions but those real interactions do have to happen from time to time in order to maintain the strength of your relationships and the overall health of your network.

So there it is – two nasty behaviors I’d beg you to stop doing. Stop overextending. Stop being lazy. And if you’re in my personal/professional network and haven’t heard from me in a while, drop me a line. I’d love to reconnect. Odds are I probably called you last so you owe me a jingle.

What other behaviors do you see or experience that erode the value of a network? Please share.

– Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLEADERS, LLC

https://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/logo.png 0 0 Mike Figliuolo https://www.thoughtleadersllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/logo.png Mike Figliuolo2009-06-22 06:31:002013-11-08 06:19:29Are You Slowly Destroying Your Network?
13 replies
  1. Jim Canterucci
    Jim Canterucci says:
    June 22, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Mike, great reminder to continue to connect. I use a matrix for my top 50 relationships. Picture names down the side and months of the year across the top I put a check on the matrix for each connection.

    Then apply the squint test, just like with the Christmas tree lights. If you stand back and squint you can see where there are any gaps in the lights on the tree.

    If there are gaps on the matrix, indicating I've not touched a key contact in awhile, I know I have to take some action.

    Reply
  2. A.J.
    A.J. says:
    June 22, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Excellent post! I agree, Social media tools have misguided some into believing they are actually networking.

    It's akin to those "5 Minute Abs" commercials. Establishing a strong network, like getting a six-pack, takes continuous effort.

    //A.J.

    Reply
  3. scott
    scott says:
    June 22, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    On three levels: First, "stoooopid" love the expression – where ever did that come from? Second: my high school network is filled with names i didn't talk much with in school – however we are in the class and i wish to place my self out there for them. Good or bad for biz? Third – Do we often have a difficult time speaking with folks because what we are doing behind the scene is not often what we want to talk about. So we hide behind the techistuff and interwebz, and pretend we are 50s morality when actually – that's an untruth.

    Getting further into the 'behind the scenes" Mike is correct – many people are selling their biz out for addiction and don't realize it until it's over. Opera has begun.

    Thanks Mike. I love the message. Music to my ear-rings.

    Reply
  4. Mike Figliuolo
    Mike Figliuolo says:
    June 22, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    @Jim – love the matrix idea for top 50 contacts. I have something similar but not as "at a glance" as yours. I'll probably steal your idea.

    @A.J. – great analogy on the 5 minute abs.

    @Scott – "stoooopid" is my own creation. The dumber the idea, the more "O's" in stoooooooopid. I think it's fine to connect to people you went to school with – there's a shared background there and I'm a huge advocate for helping others you know succeed. The only time I'd hesitate would be connecting to the guy who's running an online heroin store, yknow?

    I think you raise a good point on "fronting" – being a poser online and hiding behind techy stuff isn't healthy. You can't have personal internal consistency that way and eventually the facade crumbles. That's why I've resolved to be "me" as much as I can. Sure my tweets are sometimes silly and stoooopid and my blog posts can be irreverent. At the same time, they can be deadly serious and on point. But guess what? All those aspects of my online personality hold true when you meet me in the real world.

    Thanks all for your comments!

    Reply
  5. Rajesh
    Rajesh says:
    June 23, 2009 at 4:09 am

    Hi Mike,

    I completely agree with you about not overdoing our network. Then there are so many sites — facebook, orkut, linkedin, twitter hi fi and many more where one or the other person asks you to join and be connected. It becomes difficult to keep accessing these accounts reglarly and then keep in touch as well. Many times i feel this is overkill and does not make us effective at all.

    Thanks,
    Raj

    Reply
  6. Bob
    Bob says:
    June 23, 2009 at 6:08 am

    Agree 100%. I will not link or connect with someone unless I know them. Consequently, my numbers are not really high and I do tend to purge followers if all they do is send me self promotion.

    Reply
  7. Ruth Ross
    Ruth Ross says:
    June 23, 2009 at 7:02 am

    I was so thrilled to read this post! I did the whole facebook thing…connecting to classmates, former co-workers, etc. Then I heard a quote from Drew Barrymore…"if I haven't talked to them in 20 years, why do I want to connect with them now?" So I unconnected the high school classmates, former co-workers (of whom I haven't spoken to or kept in contact with) and shrank my "friends" list drastically! Now my facebook is more meaningful!

    And to Jim Canterucci – If I may, I would like to steal your matrix idea as well!

    Reply
  8. Alvin Borromeo
    Alvin Borromeo says:
    June 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Great post Mike. Here's my LinkedIn profile. http://www.linkedin.com/in/aaborromeo

    Reply
  9. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:
    June 23, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    I agree with all that is being said above and in the post about maintaining relationships and building a network through face-time rather than "friending."

    My question is regarding marketing and building online communities. Isn't there value in creating a Web dialogue with other people in similar fields, industries, etc.? Not that it should or has to take the place of face-to-face/phone interaction; however, social networking has opened up a whole new media for generating interest with people that in the past may have never had access to you or your thoughts.

    I think there is a happy medium that can be reached between using social media to maintain/build/gain relationships as well as using it as a tool for promoting your ideas/tools/resources… and that it is up to the individual to maintain that balance.

    Thanks again for a great post!

    Reply
  10. Maureen Metcalf
    Maureen Metcalf says:
    June 23, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Thanks Mike for a thoughtful post. I happen to agree with you and use linked in to connect with people I actually know. I have invested a great deal of time to develop a strong network of people I trust and respect. If I connect with you – I value the relationship.

    Thanks for writing about web 2.0 – lots of people writing about this but not many approaching it from a well articulated strategic lens.

    Reply
  11. Mike Figliuolo
    Mike Figliuolo says:
    June 24, 2009 at 9:15 am

    @Anonymous – I agree online communities are a great place to start sharing ideas and creating new relationships (which is why I write this blog). There is absolutely a happy medium to be struck. I'm simply trying to point out that the network needs to be approached deliberately, with purpose, and with a mindset of being maintained well over time.

    One tweak – if you're looking to build new relationships by participating in online communities, you might want to abandon the "Anonymous" approach and let people know who you are. I think you asked a great question but unfortunately others who feel the same way won't be able to find or connect with you to start building relationships… 😉

    Reply
  12. Courtney
    Courtney says:
    June 26, 2009 at 9:57 am

    @Mike: I know! I was thoroughly embarrassed to see that the post submitted as anonymous, it was an oversight on my part. My name is Courtney.

    Reply
  13. Josh Stailey
    Josh Stailey says:
    January 26, 2010 at 9:48 am

    I followed your advice, Mike. I've gained seven pounds, my LDL has jumped 31 points and I'm in an almost constant caffeine buzz. Now what?

    Great post…I will be cleaning out some people who can't separate their person from their self-promotion. And I, too, will be trying out the matrix….thanks, Jim.

    Reply

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